Dave & Darlene, May 2009

It’s times when I’m not looking for one that I often end up learning a valuable life lesson.  This past week I took Charlotte and Thomas to visit our friends, Dave and Darlene.  We came to know them when Darlene worked at Charlotte’s preschool.  Some people show so much love and concern for your children, they transcend the traditional parent/teacher role and become close friends.  This is the case with these two.  So when Darlene told me about her husband’s on-going stomach issues and severe pain, it never occurred to me something more serious might be involved.  It was.  It is.  He has pancreatic cancer and is currently going through treatment.  Our visit was a short afternoon one, but quite memorable for me.  As the kids bounced around and snacked from treat bowls, the adults talked about everyday stuff.  But casual conversation cannot mask the deeper concern of a serious illness.  Yet here is Darlene’s Dave with his same easygoing, caring attitude shining through.  The chemo has zapped his energy and shed his body weight, but it cannot kill his spirit.  I saw myself in Darlene.  Some day, any day, I could be in her role as caretaker for my husband or children.  And yet she is so serene and determined to press on no matter how much each new day is guaranteed to bring challenges.  That’s what I want, I thought.  To just enjoy my life with Dave and the kids, trying not to take it for granted, so that when the day comes they’re grown and gone the time left with my spouse will be treasured.  No regrets, all our faith in God, what will be will be.  There is a peace in that I aspire to experience.

Covenant RIPT, Week 5:  This is the halfway point already and I am a bit anxious.  Tomorrow night is the first weigh-in since we started.  I have not stepped on a scale after reporting my pre-program numbers to you last month.  Friday’s class was another challenging one.  We used weighted bars to work our arms, legs and abs in new ways.  Not sure with the weather what tonight will involve, but I’m determined to work out!

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 19

I really appreciate all the constructive comments about our struggles to get Charlotte sleeping in her bed… but reading the posts about enforcing it made me realize that it is totally my fault this is happening because I LIKE IT when she ends up in our bed.  There, I admit it.  It was great last night when she fell asleep in her own room and I had more room with Daddy in our bed, but at 3am (a half-hour before my alarm went off) I was secretly thrilled that she climbed in to spend the rest of the night between us.  Call me weak or lazy or whatever, I am just a mom who likes to feel the warmth of my child against my back.  How is it any different than Dave’s two dogs who used to sleep with us?  Well, his dogs ran out a little door to pee… but you get my point.   

Covenant RIPT, Week 4:  There were points in last night’s class when I could not keep up.  It was ultra-intense!  Think jumping then dropping for a push-up then back up to jumping, in like 4 seconds.  Yeah, not easy.  5 days to weigh-in.

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 19

Sunday & Monday nights we convinced Charlotte to sleep in her own bed.  We even went out and bought one of those cheap, plywood storage cubes with a door on the front to use as a TV stand.  See we took her Tinkerbell TV out a while back when her dresser started falling apart.  The TV was on top of it.  So now it’s back with the reasoning that she can watch cartoons or something while she falls asleep ALONE in her own room.  Both nights she did end up going to sleep in there, but eventually came in to our bed.  Neither one of us got up to take her back, though we felt good with this much progress.  Then last night after Dave got Thomas down, he came in to discover Charlotte and Mommy in our bed.  She asked if she could lie down with me and I was too tired to protest or to get up and put her in her room.  Dave was not happy when he discovered I had caved and reminded me that he is not going to be the bad guy.  “We both have to do this together for it to work,” he said before walking out irritated.  I did manage to respond with a weak “I know” and some mumbled excuse.  And I haven’t seen him or talked to him since.  I will apologize and commit to putting her down in her own bed tonight.

Covenant RIPT, Week 4:  30-minutes of lower body strength training last night and my legs were still reeling from Monday night’s class.  Back to the Wellness Center tonight for another beating!

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 19

My intention was not to devote an entire entry to my latest workout program until it ends… but I am so excited to share with you another mini-milestone in my fitness journey, I couldn’t resist.  You know how there’s that rule about purging your closet of clothes you haven’t worn in more than a year?  Well I hung on to a wool, pencil skirt I’ve had since 1995 hoping to get back in it-someday.  I saw it yesterday hanging next to the same flare skirts I’ve comfortably donned through two post-pregnancy periods.  Wonder if it will fit, I thought.  Not likely, I told myself.  Dave reminded me that fewer pounds on the scale do not reflect the inches he knows I’ve lost… mentally preparing me for what may be a letdown when I weigh-in next week.  My body fat and waist circumference will be checked, too.  But who cares about that now when I am currently wearing the skirt I haven’t been able to get over my hips for years!  Take that, Goodwill man.  I will not rid my closet entirely of some of my skinny clothes.  I am still wearing them!  Just think, I have gone down at least one size in 4 weeks because I have been eating no more than 1,200 calories daily and exercising 5 days a week (cardio on Mon-Wed-Fri, weights on Tues-Thur).  Thanks for all the support and please join me to get healthier.  Look how far we can come in only a month!

Covenant RIPT, Week 4:  Last night’s class was a repeat of Friday’s, but even more intense.  We are doing a lot of jumping, which really gets the heart rate up but may not bode well for my knees.  So I am trying to do some of the moves more low impact.

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 19

You’d think I would have learned my lesson by now.  Charlotte does not have the attention span to get through much beyond a 20-minute kids’ show.  I know this based on the two failed attempts at going to a movie.  Mind you more than a year has passed since I tried it, but I recently took her to the chipmunks latest flick and a half-hour in she was ready to bail.  Yesterday at a dramatic theater production of modern dance acrobats, same thing.  We were out of there after the first of a number of dances yet to come.  Oh, well.  I am not going to force her to sit through something she’s no longer enjoying.  But I hear about these parents popping in a video and their children staring at it for hours, never looking up.  My two are not that way, though at times I have tried to use the tube as a quick babysitter!  Neither kid liked Baby Einstein.  The Wiggles have been a hit, but Thomas expects someone to stand by with the remote and fast forward through the talking parts.  I don’t really picture all of us sitting down to an entire movie until they’re like 8 & 10.  Upon leaving the performing arts center with Charlotte, of course the only ones heading for the door, I was pleasantly surprised to discover a grandma and her two grandchildren putting on their coats.  We both agreed our little ones would not be able to last.  We both felt good about our decision to exit.

Covenant RIPT, Week 4:  Friday night’s class was the most intense yet.  At one point we were lying on a raised step with resistance bands strung underneath and wrapped around each foot.  You can imagine the inner/outer thigh work that resulted.  It looked like a torture chamber set-up, but I got a better lower body workout than I could have ever done on my own.  And guess what?  So far 3 people have told me they can tell I’m losing weight.  That’s a good sign!

Shane from Jesup

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 19

Flat tummy days with a friend

I always tell my 20-something co-workers, if they prefer to spend free time in the bars or live life outside of work with no schedule DON’T HAVE KIDS.  You’re not ready.  Granted accidents happen, and people have kids long before they intended… but if you plan your children’s arrival, as I did, it helps to accept the fact that your new normal will not include the lifestyle you may have once embraced.  I used to love hitting the dance floors at all hours.  Never been a drinker, but my interest in spending time on the singles scene was always there.  I hated the smoke long before the bans existed, yet a chance to hang out until the bar closed followed by a trip to Denny’s was a welcome one.  I can picture myself in a tummy-baring top (you know, when my stomach was flat and the belly button hadn’t been stretched out like silly putty) rushing to the floor when some hard-driving beat blared from the speakers.  Never shy about being the first one out there, I am fortunate my husband likes to dance and has incredible rhythm.  And though I used to think marrying a man who could groove with me in the club was important, now I know that matters little compared with being with one who’s a good father.  We may rarely get to go out these days, but there is usually no place I’d rather be than at home with Dave and our kids.  My party days are over and I don’t miss them when exchanged for my new reality.

Covenant RIPT, Week 3:  30-minutes of upper body weights and abs last night.  Another hour-long RIPT class tonight.  Dave said he can’t believe how well I’m staying on my diet.  I can’t either!

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 18

Charlotte says the word “no” about as frequently as she breathes.  I have heard it come out of her mouth in every form of emotional expression.  Even Thomas gets it.  The difference between Dave and me, in terms of our parenting style, I tend to ignore a lot of her protesting and calmly navigate my way through her drama to get eventual cooperation.  Dave hates nothing more than rude and disrespectful behavior, so the two of them butt heads and she ends up in timeout when her emotional meltdown escalates.  I don’t think either of our reactions to her is wrong.  Just that since we’re not on the same page, we need to find common ground.  I am too easy on her.  Dave is a little too tough.  My temporary morning schedule has put us all together for a longer period at night, so a bit of a clash is happening where Charlotte is concerned.  Normally it’s Mommy in the morning and Daddy for most of the night, so our individual approaches prevail based on the other parent’s absence.  But Dave’s right when he says she’s getting a mixed message.  He keeps saying if she acts this defiant now, wait until she’s 10.  Good point.

Covenant RIPT, Week 3:  A lot of squats and intense ab work were featured in last night’s class.  I am feeling mild soreness, you know the kind that results from flexing some oft-ignored muscles?  It’s a good thing, actually!

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 18

Since watching a recent Oprah show about cell phone use behind-the-wheel, I’ve been thinking about my habits.  I don’t text while driving, but talk?  You know the answer.  Even with a hands-free earpiece like I have,  you are 4 times more likely to crash just having a phone conversation.  And the texting while driving stats are much scarier… 8 more times likely to crash.  You’d be safer driving drunk or high.  Moms I know are admitting it’s a problem and they need to change their ways.  I have stopped myself twice on the road this past week from picking up my phone to scroll through the contacts and call someone.  Love this new bumper sticker line:  Honk if you love Jesus.  Text if you want to meet him.  I have glanced down to check something on my phone, only to look up and discover I was heading toward a median.  I also have gone the wrong way driving because I was so engrossed in a call.  When my kids are in the car, I already limit cell phone use… but after watching all those people talk about losing loved ones over a phone call or a text… now my goal is to stop completely.

Covenant RIPT, Week 3:  30-minutes of lower body strength training and abs last night.  Backside looked better in the mirror this morning.  Yes, I turned around and checked.

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 18

Dad walks me down the aisle, August 2005

You probably know I am Dave’s second wife.  He was married for ten years then divorced a few before we got together.  Meeting and falling in love with him made me realize how, like so many other women, I had unfairly judged divorced men for years.  I blame society for reinforcing the stereotypes.  Through Dave and other single dads I’ve come to know closely, I have learned that often a lot of child support is paid out but not a lot of time with your children is granted in exchange.  Also, women lie and cheat and put the kids behind themselves on the priority list just as much as men.  I used to see ladies with older, divorced men and think they were all golddiggers or ones who had father/daughter relationship issues.  Then I joined the Second Wives Club and realized neither applies to me.  But outsiders don’t always know that.  And I’m sure when we lived where Dave is from, to some, he was just another divorced dad who had latched on to a 20-something chick who happened to be a local TV news anchor.  Oh, please!  It will never last.  Fortunately 12 years and 2 kids together later, I have never been more in love with him.  I’ll be his second wife any day.

Covenant RIPT, Week 3:  No class due to weather.  Still got in 40-minutes of cardio and abs at a local rec center.  My co-worker, Jobi, also in the program had a setback.  A previous health problem has temporarily sidelined her.  But, get this, when she went to the doctor yesterday and stepped on the scale… 11 pounds down!  That’s how much she dropped in 2 weeks doing RIPT.

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 18

No doubt there are some advantages to having a 2-parent family with a daughter and a son.  Since Thomas arrived, he and Daddy often team up unintentionally while Charlotte and I do “girl” things.  Saturday, I took her to a movie while Dave and her brother stayed home to watch sports.  Of course Thomas has the attention span of a fly, so it’s more like Daddy watches the screen while Thomas runs around throwing his toys and shoving the remote in Dave’s face to turn on a kids’ DVD.  Of course Daddy plays with him, too.  They wrestle and high-five and do all that more masculine stuff.  Charlotte and I partake in this roughhousing, too, but we also put on make-up, paint our nails and carry purses.  It’s just cool that we each have a same-gendered partner.  My dad, with two daughters, never had a buddy to take to the ball games or someone who would have enjoyed washing the cars.  I’m not suggesting my sister and I didn’t hang out with him and help out with his household activities, but I now see in Thomas that a son would have been more of a natural fit.  (Dave just asked me what I’m writing about.  He said it sounds like I’m bragging about having a boy and a girl.  Sorry, that is not my intent.)  Bottom line I never planned for a girl and a boy.  I would have stopped at two no matter their gender and been fine with it.  But there is something amazing about raising a child of the same sex.  I’ll admit it.

Covenant RIPT, Week 3:  Friday night’s class was not easy, but I found out the 50-minutes of intensity equals 4 more points on my diet plan, so I can eat 200 more calories!  I broke down and tried on my “skinny” slacks and they did fit… but the clasp is in danger of popping off.  Will retry in coming weeks.

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 18