I am a Toddler
If it’s on, I must turn it off.
If it’s off, I must turn it on.
If it’s folded, I must unfold it.
If it’s high, it must be reached.
If it’s shelved, it must be unshelved.
If it’s pointed, it must be run with at top speed.
If it has leaves, they must be picked.
If it’s plugged, it must be unplugged.
If it’s not trash, it must be thrown away.
If it’s in the trash, it must be removed, inspected and thrown on the floor.
If it’s closed, it must be opened.
If it doesn’t open, it must be screamed at.
If it has drawers, they must be rifled.
If it’s a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, computer monitor or table.
If it’s full, it will be more interesting emptied.
If it’s empty, it will be more interesting full.
If it’s a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.
If it’s a stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without protest. It must be pushed by me instead.
If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.
If Mommy’s hands are full, I must be carried.
If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.
If it’s paper, it must be torn.
If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
If the volume is low, it must go high.
If it’s toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.
If it’s a drawer, it must be pulled upon.
If it’s a hole, I must stick something in it.
If you do it, I wanted to do it.
If you want me to do it, I want you to do it.
If it’s YOUR toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth.
If it’s MY toothbrush, it must be inserted into YOUR mouth.
If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.
If it’s a phone, I must talk into it.
If it’s a bug, it must be swallowed.
If it doesn’t stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.
If it’s not food, it must be tasted.
If it’s food, it must NOT be tasted.
If it’s dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk or toilet water.
If it has a tail, I must yank it.
If Mommy wants me to come, I must run away.
If Mommy wants me to let go, I must CLING ON FOR DEAR LIFE!
If it’s stacked up, it must be knocked down.
If it’s sticky, it must go in my hair.
If it’s bath time, I must run around naked until I am caught!
If it is a rock, it must be picked up.
If it is a doll, it must not wear clothes.
If it is Mommy or Daddy, it must be hugged and loved forever.
I am a Toddler!!