Surely I’ve covered this topic before, but with a now 5-year-old daughter and a nearly 3-year-old son it’s still very current. Isn’t everything all about control these days? The more our lives overwhelm us with schedules and jobs and kids, the more we try to put our thumb on everything since we are in charge of hardly anything. Apparently Charlotte and Thomas think they are co-managers of our family. Dave and I are not supposed to sing in the car or dance around the house. We are to stand by the side of the car and SUV until the kids decide which door they want to get out and re-buckle the seatbelts in case one of us gets to it when they wanted to do it themselves. Not only that, we have to pick out specific pajamas for them and use a certain kind of toothpaste plus, in Dave’s case, race around the kitchen like a short order cook on a daily basis. Of course we aren’t the best employees and don’t always comply… but some times we do just to keep the peace in our world with little tyrants. I always say I’m a pretty laid back person, but when it comes to control issues I think the reason I don’t have them is I was blessed with a husband who usually agrees with me. 
Except when it comes to our parenting styles. So I guess we’re all trying to tell the other family members what to do and it’s, at times, complete chaos. As for trying to control on the job… it’s rampant. All these men who must have little to no control at home are running around telling their female counterparts what to do on the job. Just to feel masculine, I guess. I get it, your wife wears the pants. My kids wear them.
Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 37
This post was written by Tara on July 25, 2011
funny…..:)
You hit the nail on the head on this one!
If you had more “control” over what your children deem to be reasonable in their minds, which at age 5 you should, you wouldn’t have the all in one bed problem or better put “lack of control” thing going on.
You said it, they think they are co-managers of the family. I think they are too from what I’ve read!!
Dance all you want, sing all you want…it’s your house too!
Well said, iluvsummer!
Agree totally with you iluvsummer. The kids are definitely in charge but Tara and Dave seem to like it. In the end it is the kids that will pay for it. So sad for them.
Independent children lead to independent adults and while that sounds good in concept, if you think you have no control now, wait until they are teenagers. I suggest that you nip this in the bud before you have 2 school age kids (they pick up other ideas from their classmates too) and no control. But, picking your battles carefully is even more important. I look back over what used to upset me the most and it seems really trivial now. Good luck and I’m glad it’s you and not me. I’ve done my time!
I agree with iluvsummer too. It may be “cute” now to be doing what the kids tell you to do but wait till they are 10 or 15. I won’t be so cute then.
The day my child told me not to sing in the car. I would sing louder and longer than any mama ever sang !
Picking your battles like Dee said is good too, but not “control” that is another story.
Come on people, are we serious? We are talking about little kids who are trying to have a little independence. No harm in this! I am sure if it was a more serious issue, Tara and her husband could and would handle it! No harm in letting your kids buckle their own seat belts or being a little embarassed by mom and dads dance moves
I am just glad to hear this also happens at your house as much as it does at mine!
Keep up the great and loving parenting Tara!
Yes, we are talking about kids who want control, which is usually minor if the parents know how to handle it. But, if the kids are independent enough to push their parent’s buttons during the day, but also able to manipulate where they sleep at night (being dependent on parents at that time), then you have a serious issue. Just a thought…respectful toddlers, make respectful kids, who turn into respectful teens, who become respectful adults.
You must remember, in Tara’s post she uses the words “WE HAVE TO”, WE ARE TO, and ARE NOT SUPPOSE TO. This is a 5 yr. old and a nearly 3 yr. old, directing orders to the parents and the parents are falling for it.
That is far from children looking for independency. If that were the case, they’d get in the vehicle (by themselves) buckle up (by themselves), pick out their own PJ’s (by themselves) eat what they were served (or be hungry) and last but not to hear the end of it, sleep in their own bed (by themselves). That is being independent. If they choose to do this at school, they will be labeled “BOSSY” in no time!!
Who is more out of control, the kids or the parents? Start doing your job, parent. They want a parent not a friend, they really do.
We know Tara chooses to throw her hands up in surrender when it comes to controlling the kids, but Dave sounds like a very level-headed dad. I’m surprised that he let’s the kids get away with as much as they do.
I wouldn’t let my kids buckle themselves in at this age. That is a major saftey issue.
I think these comments are a bit much people, but then maybe I was the only one discharged from the hospital (20 & 24 years ago) with the Guide to Perfect Parenting. You all received your copies too, right?
iluvsummer – OUTSTANDING analogy, 100% in agreement.
I don’t think I could ever call my children “tyrants”……..did they always obey and do things they way I wanted them done, of course not. But they did know their limits and both grew up to be “respectful” adults, as momofteen made another OUTSTANDING analogy. I’m very proud of my children, as I’m sure that Tara is of her children, but from the sounds of Tara’s comments, things are a bit out of control. The first place I would start is the bed sleeping issue, if Charlotte and Thomas understand that Tara and Dave mean business about where they sleep, it might help with other issues. I can’t imagine a 5 and 3 year old ever telling me what to do, good luck when they are teens.
STRONGLY agree with Sue.
If you’ve never been told what to do by a toddler or preschooler/kdg you’re a LIAR!! Kids thrive on being able to be in charge and they should have things in their world they can control. I have three kids and YES they do ask you not to sing or not to dance. They also want to do things themselves, including open doors and buckle in the car seat. This is normal development Tara – seriously these people are ridiculous. If you’re consistent in what you allow them to control and they know what they can’t control you are doing PERFECT!
Evendentally it must bother her a little that they are doing it or it wouldn’t be worth mentioning would it??
Wow, I really botched Evidentally..I’m beginning to spell like the hot Dubuque man now! Yikes!
iluvsummer – love your comments! We as readers can only respond to what Tara writes, we don’t live in her house and most have never met her or her family. When her last statement refers to her children wearing the pants in the family, it causes concern to a lot of her readers. There is a fine line between being a child’s parent or being a child’s friend, we need to be both, with a stronger emphasis on parenting than friendship, friendship can come later when they are adults. As long as Charlotte and Thomas know who is in charge, it’s OK. My children are 36 and 31, was I a perfect parent, heck no, but they both turned out to be respectful, responsible adults. Times have changed, it has to be a huge challenge to raise children in this day and age, we all want what is best for Charlotte and Thomas, I’m sure that Tara is not terribly offended by our “helpful hints”, otherwise she wouldn’t put herself and her family out there as she does.
diane-
First of all Thanks!
I agree with you, totally.
Perhaps that is where I see things differently. I was no perfect parent and I’m still not and I’m a grammy of 2 little darling girls. But I see my daughter bringing up her girls just like I/we brought her up and to be honest, the oldest who is 7 is just a spitting image, if not better than her mom was at age 7. Do we hope this continues, oh my yes we do, will it, time will tell. But I am not a person who lets things slide, I’m a corrector, and I think correcting starts at an early age and it’s important. Otherwise like she said above, it’s chaos at times. I see & hear my granddaughter talk about school, it’s not all good either and 1/2 the time on the ground in shock! I can’t imagine where they get it all from. Some stuff she tells me I’m totally amazed, and I can only wonder what 1st grade will bring.
Have a good one, stay cool!
ilovesummer – you are very welcome. I notice that we tend to agree quite often, so that is nice, guess we are from the “old school”. I have no grandchildren yet, but I’m sure that when/if I ever do, they will be raised the same way my children were raised and hopefully they will turn out as well or better than my own children. My children always knew what was expected of them and if they didn’t follow that, they knew there would be consequences. If you come home late, you lose your car for two weeks, only happened once and she still mentions the fact that we didn’t give in.
I still can’t imagine sleeping with a 5 and 3 year old in the bed, I don’t agree with it, but it’s Tara and Dave’s choice.
Today I have to say, stay dry!
see June 22,2010 blog
nothing has changed.
It must bother her or she wouldn’t bring it up
Had to go back and read that one. Good detective work bren……you are absolutely right.
Totally agree with Sue and Sarah. The rest of you are acting like attorneys arguing a case. Come on, this is life. No one is a perfect parent, including all of you. We see the pics of Tara’s kids and they are obviously happy and healthy children. And I always say, if you have happiness and health at the end of the day, you are doing just fine.
Please don’t let these rude comments get to you Tara. We all know you are doing your best and you and Dave seem to be great parents!!!
Gosh I’m speechless (for once).
Happy, sunny, day to all of you and have a great week-end!
Someone mentioned that a person is lying if they say they’ve never been told what to do by a toddler. Something that hasn’t come up is boundaries. Kids need to know how far they can go & they will definitely go there. What they need to know is that if they cross the line, they will experience consequences. By giving in to their orders is just creating a sense of entitlement. No matter what age, I believe this is prevalant in today’s society. When I counsel couples who are having parenting issues, I stress they need to be on the same page & approach the kids as a team. Kids know who will cave and who won’t, however, if they know they will get consistent reaction out of both parents, they are less likely to do it.
Lastly, I have to wonder how your collegues responded to your last few sentences of this blog. That could easy hit a nerve so professionally I’d encourage you to keep those annoyances to yourself & find someone outside of work who you could vent to. Just something to think about.