Those of you who NEVER drink alcohol will totally relate to what I am about to write. Those of you who do drink, no matter how little, will likely be annoyed. Just a heads up. A little backstory… I’ve mentioned before I don’t drink–ever. Haven’t touched alcohol since I was in high school; tried it and hated the taste of beer and the way guys started acting differently when they thought girls were under the influence. It helped that, at the time, my best friend and boyfriend were non-drinkers. From that point on, I never drank. And the decision, for me, was not a huge deal. My parents were occasional drinkers growing up, so it wasn’t about breaking a cycle of alcoholism or overcoming some tragedy involving someone under the influence. It was simply the best choice for me at the time and one I easily stuck with for decades. I digress. My point is that, though a non-issue for me, for others it’s kind of a big deal. All you non-drinkers know what I’m talking about. It starts with the first or second time you go out with friends or co-workers and turn down a drink. Oh, come on. Just have one with us. No, not gonna happen. At this point you’re still having fun, but soon you’re a game-changer because you’re the only sober one in the bunch. And that’s annoying for people to be in party-mode when you’re still in the same mental state you’d bring to the conference table Monday morning. I have probably lost friends or not been invited more times than I’ll ever know because I’m the spoiler. The funny thing it does not impact me at all, just those who feel by refusing to ingest I’ve somehow issued a mandate against their choice. It’s weird but that’s our culture. People drink up at the water park, ball park, even some movie theaters during G-rated films. For many of us it crosses into family functions. You’re not the fun cousin or aunt or uncle if you don’t get trashed like everyone else at reunions, weddings, even gatherings before funerals. I’ve been there. All the beverage consumers involved will deny all of this. So don’t ask them about it. The harsh reality is you know people who can’t go out or hang out or whatever they call it without a beer in hand or a bottle on the bar. It’s boring to them. And the rest of us pray they never have to go to rehab.
Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 37
This post was written by Tara on July 12, 2011
We are soul mates on this one Tara! I agree 100% with everything you said. If my friends want to drink and act silly, that’s up to them, I’m just not into it and never will be, if they don’t like it, tough!
Agree! Don’t need a drink in my hand ever.
It finally dawned on me one time when a friend said she stopped by 2 bars BEFORE attending a wedding and I’m thinking what???
Then I realized all these people are scared socially to be out without a drink in their belly! It’s their courage! Since then I feel mainly sorry for them. (Except when they harass me about it). Just pray they have safe driving habits.
Don’t like the taste of it, either, Tara. Was offered a beer one time, and when it got near my nose, I knew it was going no further. Ick!! I made a commitment at church camp many, many years ago to not drink anything alcoholic. It has not been hard to keep that commitment. And my friends don’t seem to mind. We’ll be the designated drivers.
Totally agree!! I’m from a small town, where everyone drinks. I never liked the taste either. I always say I can have a good time with a Pepsi, and don’t have to pay a small fortune and feel like crap the next day. No wonder I married someone from California, cuz I didn’t like all the drinking here.
You’re right on with this one!!! Some need that liquid courage to be what they think their friends want them to be…how sad! Be who you are and maybe those “friends” aren’t really your friends after all!
Agree so much on this, can totally relate to everything your wrote.
Oh well, I like having a drivers license, I don’t think I’d look good in a jumpsuit behinds bars and I like my liver just the way it is…and I really like it when I have total control over what I’m saying & doing!
Excellent comment iluvsummer – I totally agree with you.
Totally agree!
I think there can be a happy medium. I never drink to get drunk or impair my mental/physical state. But if I go out for dinner, I enjoy 1 beer, or 1 glass of wine, and VERY rarely ever have more than that. I don’t need any more than that, and I don’t want to pay more than that as it’s usually expensive at a restaurant. And I’m usually the one driving, too. 1 glass of either has little effect on me (I’m a big guy) and I’ve never had a drinking problem of any sort. However I don’t really go out to bars or for evenings with friends, so I don’t experience that much peer pressure. And I never drank much in college or my single days. But for me it’s simply something I enjoy if I go out. Other than those that abuse alcohol and put them or others in dangerous situations as a result, I don’t see where having 1 drink with dinner is a big deal. But ya, if someone has a true drinking problem, we should probably actually pray they DO get into rehab, 12 steps, etc!
I’m wondering what caused you to write this particular piece.
I get where you’re coming from but have you considered that you’re not invited back to these “drink-filled” events out of respect for your choices? Maybe not but that’s a positive way to look at it. I have to admit there have been times when I’ve gone over the top when drinking but I can easily sit with a group of people and drink casually and sometimes not even at all. I’m not drinking to get drunk although I know many people who do just that. They have pain in their life they are trying to squelch or fears they are trying to hide or whatever their reason is. My ex-husband used to say “I made him drink” yet I don’t recall strong arming him to drink himself silly. Each person makes their own choice and I choose to be a casual alcohol USER not an ABUSER. To those who shun others because they “bring down the party”…you’re better off without them.
Hi, I often read your blog and other’s blogs but have never left a comment, even though I may disagree I tend to leave my thoughts to myself, but this really hit me. I was just like you in high school, all my friends and I never drank, thought people who did were just being stupid per say. Never went to parties, we all had our own fun, movies, just having fun hanging out and I don’t regret any of it at all. I had the best friendships and am still close to 3 of my girlfriends. However when college came and we came of age I did go out with new friends from college and I have to say I had so much fun, and it’s not that I was wasted or anything to that matter, I was making new friends and a few of my old friends,not of the 3 I’m still close with were upset to say the least. Thinking about that today still makes me so mad. To this day I don’t consider myself a drinker. When I go out with friends now I’m usually always the DD and am totally fine with that. Your blog above just brought me back and reminding me of why some friendships have ended. It’s not that you don’t drink, it’s the stuck up persona you give off, it’s the I”m better then you because I’ve chosen this decision and you havn’t. I do not think it’s awesome when a group of girls go out and get wasted and start dancing and thinking they’re being really cool, that’s not me at all. I’m just saying I let myself have some fun with new people in college and yes we went out and had a few drinks and yes my best friend from high school got upset and we live in the same city today and don’t talk. I also want to add that she is very religious and I know you are too from reading your blog, I consider myself also, but why is it that the people that believe the most are so judgemental on others actions? You’d think it would be the opposit, you’d think they’d have open arms to all regardless of their decisions and would be there to help. There’s only one who is out to judge us and I just think that should be up to him and not you.
I’m an insurance agent. You know what blows my mind–People who have their licenses suspended and require an SR22 (proof of auto liability insurance)filing with the state to get their licenses back, but are permitted to drive boats on the river/lakes while still drinking their beers, Smirnoffs, etc. If its not acceptable for the road, why is it acceptable while operating a motor boat?
Tara – I doubt that you’re the spoiler of any party. It is obvoius to your faithful blog readers that you do not need alcohol to put yourself out there and have a good time:)
Kudos to you Tara for making that choice. I have a girlfriend who doesn’t drink and her home experience was much like yours, her parents may have a drink now and then but not to get drunk. I support her decision to not drink, but I do agree with John C. I enjoy a drink every now and then but drinking to get drunk has never had much of an appeal to me.
Sorry but not everyone drinks as much as they possibly can and get stupid. It is possible to have a glass of wine or a drink socially. Sounds like those that have an occasional drink are being looked down upon by you Tara. I’m surprised by that. Personally, I enjoy a drink now and again but I am far from ever being “drunk and stupid”.
Same here Tara. Tried it- hated it -never drank since. Now, I do so by choice. What a great example I can set for my daughter. She is 12 and will be encouraged and coerced to drink sooner then I would like it! Lets hope seeing both her father and I never touch it will hold her strong. Same for all those other temptations out there. We show our kids by example!!
Exactly #11, it makes absolutly NO sense!
Thank our great people making the laws on that one.
I am totally an outcast in my husband’s hometown (and with some of his family) because I do not drink. I am a “b**ch” because of it. I MUST think I’m better than everyone else, right? (I do not) Geez, just have a drink and have some FUN!! I have told them too many times to count – I don’t drink because I have a stomach issue that drinking makes much worse. So – I don’t drink because it affects my health negatively – - that doesn’t seem hard to understand, but apparently for them – it is. I have lots of fun without alcohol – and I certainly don’t look down on those that choose to have a couple drinks while out and about. I am always surprised at the backlash I receive because I don’t drink alcohol?!?!?! To me, that is completely and utterly ridiculous! I guess I need to pick up some cigarettes and a case of beer to be accepted? No thank you!!!
I love having drinks when I’m out with friends, and if a person I was with was just drinking Pepsi, I’m going to admit, I would think it was a little strange. BUT, I only go out a few nights a month and I’m at a bar on a Friday night after 10 pm, so yeah, I would just assume that most people there at that time are probably looking to drink! Your post didn’t bother me, but some of the comments did. There is a reason that people like to drink (being drunk is FUN!) and it IS legal, so I’m going to enjoy it! And obviously there are people who take it too far, but for us who don’t, don’t judge us for liking to get a little crazy now and then!
Steph – if you think it is OK to get drunk, and you think that is fun – that is your right! I am not judging you. But, it sure sounds like you are judging people who don’t drink – why would that be? Just because it’s legal, doesn’t mean you have to drink to have fun. Why would you think it is strange for someone to drink Pepsi when they are “out”? You can’t drink Pepsi and have fun? I do it all the time!!!
My husband is in your camp. He didn’t drink in high school he was raised with parents and extended family that barely drank and thinks it smells and tastes bad. We’ve been together 12 years and the only alcohol I remember him drinking is a shot of schnapps at our wedding dance. I on the other hand do enjoy a drink here and there. Maybe once or twice a year I will get bombed but he has always been there to drive me home and help me to bed. I am lucky to have a caring nonjudgemental husband and a perpetual designate driver rolled up in one. But seriously, our life does not evolve around drinking which is a nice benefit – no drunk in-laws at family functions, not spending our money in the bars every weekend and the good times aren’t seen thru rose colored blurry glasses.
I have best friend from high school who liked to go out and drink, not me. I had other friends that didn’t drink, so when my best friend went out with her “drinking buddies”, I spent time with my non-drinking friends. Now at class reunions I know very little about the “fun” times that many of my class “drinking buddies” had, because I wasn’t there, do I care now, nope!
I get it Tara… I’ve really struggled the last couple years b/c “friends” I had do not hang with my hubby and I simply b/c we are the only ones who do not drink. We don’t care that they are drinkin…. we’re fine with a diet soda… but good grief – don’t get why we can’t all still hang out. I feel for you. Too bad alcohol has to be so dividing… I’m not judging them – wish they wouldn’t judge me.
I don’t drink a drop. I do not put myself in situations where I will feel uncomfortable.
I’m 21 and should supposedly LOVE to drink! My family is the type to drink during family functions but not until all of the “kids” were about my age. My boyfriend’s mother is an alcoholic and I see what it is doing to her life and they always make a joke about how I rarely drink, and if I do it’s maybe one drink. Fact is, I don’t like the taste, how it makes me feel, or being completely hung over in the morning!