It’s been one of those weird weeks where I vacillate between thoughts about what color to paint the living room to what kind of relationship I’ll have with my kids when they’re older. That’s normal for me. Some days I act like I’m in high school but reflect on current circumstances with the judgement of a 75-year-old. No one ever really told me what I’ve always known–I don’t act my age. It’s a reality of many blessings and occasional curses in that you frequently over think stuff but reason from a wise perspective. Tomorrow marks the start of month 44 pouring my private life into this virtual journal. I can’t imagine not writing things down since it’s become more than habitual–it’s cathartic and in some strange way keeps me grounded. Occasionally I picture myself older, alone somewhere, reading this blog. A paperback version, of course, as the first two years are already bound in a book. I smile and laugh at the memories that come flooding back. Material I would never totally recall all those years later as I’m prone to forgetting and repeating things at this point. I don’t take the time to go back and rehash it. Why do that when I’m already setting aside space in retirement to fully grasp how much I’ve embarrassed myself… but I’ll be okay with it all then because I’m mentally advanced enough to know that the older you get the more you allow yourself to be authentic. That is something I look forward to.
Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 43
This post was written by Tara on January 31, 2012