I know this has happened to some, if not all, of you at least once. You meet a married woman at a party or through your work or at the water park and the first thing you ask is, “Do you have any kids?” It’s a logical question–especially in smaller, family-oriented communities where countless couples have centered their world on Little League schedules and gymnastics classes. Almost 100% of the time the conversational flow continues as you compare notes and ages and attitudes among the little people in your life. Or you share encouragement/jealousy for the child-free woman who eventually wants to be a mom but has yet to start her family. “Enjoy your freedom while it lasts,” I tell her. But some times things get awkward because the woman is dealing with something you have no clue about–infertility, a husband who’s not on the same page with babies, whatever. You didn’t know. It’s not your fault. Yet it’s uncomfortable for you because in no way did you mean to force the issue, talk about the elephant in the room. You’re just being nice and making small talk with someone who one can assume knows what it’s like to change a poopy diaper on the floor of a dirty public restroom missing a changing station. Then there are the women, like my two close college friends, who have no intention of ever having kids. Not only is that fine, my apologies to those ladies like them out there who will face the same kid question for the next 15 years from moms like me.
Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 49
This post was written by Tara on July 6, 2012
Well said. Been there, done that. Never know quite how to get my foot out of my mouth.
Everyone to his/her own choices. But they will be lonely when they become elderly. I feel bad for people my age who have no one they can rely on. (I mean family.) LOVE the new “bob”!!!
You are being very sensitive, Tara. Yes, there are women out there who cannot have children or choose not to have them. I think most of us mothers have said things to these kind of people that we have regretted later on.
A good reminder to us all. Thank you.
Not everyone will be lonely when they become elderly just because they may not have been able have a child or did not want children. There are many lonely elderly people who have children and the children don’t desire to have anything to do with them.
My sister does not have children (with 2 legs) she has them with 4 however and she is in her late 50′s w/spouse. I do not worry about her being lonely at all. She will continue to be involved with many things and probably will have more help than I will with 1 child in the same town.
But yes, everyone has probably asked that million dollar Q. and we all walked our way out it too, gracefully!