I agree parents today go overboard to shield their children from rejection. You know what I mean. Everyone gets a trophy or certificate, no matter their performance. Gym class no longer includes picking teams. And, to some extent, I’m on board with all of it. Life is full of letdowns, anyway. Why add to it by insisting children learn what it feels like to be left out or in last place? The above photo depicts grandparents letting their grandchild win in Candyland yesterday. Charlotte pretended like she was innocently picking a card when she selected the one with the sucker, allowing her to jump so far up the path of colored squares only a few more turns sealed her win. We all let it happen, especially since Nana made the mistake of beating Charlotte earlier this year. She didn’t take the loss well. I know, I know. It’s part of life and she’ll need to learn how to handle it… eventually. But I would argue parents should go out of their way to protect fragile egos, whenever possible. Afterall, I faced plenty of challenges my parents could not have prevented: getting dumped after a 3-day relationship in 6th grade, not being selected for the cheerleading squad freshman year, receiving nearly one-hundred rejection letters in the mail from TV stations across the country upon college graduation. It’s inevitable disappointment will happen. In the meantime, the 3-year-old can claim a victory.
Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 16
This post was written by tthomas on November 2, 2009
I agree that at the age of 3, letting them win is fundamentally okay. After all, we play “catch me” games where we run slowly just to let them catch us so we can wiggle and giggle together and race games letting them win. However, when they get into school, they need to learn what “healthy” competition is and that there will be times you will not be chosen first and that it takes hard work to come out on top. I have seen the difference it makes in how children approach their life choices. If mom and dad and society “protect” their self-esteem, they won’t actually build any of their own. Plus, you give them independence by the knowledge that they will be able to accomplish things without expecting everyone to bow down to them. It’s okay to lose as long as you keep perspective about it. Age 3 might be a little early to teach that but respect can and should be taught at any age. You’re right about inevitable disappointment but we can’t throw temper tantrums as adults and be taken seriously and believe me there are a lot of adults I know that do just that! Sad, isn’t it?
OMG What is it with kids and Candyland…
My grand daughter came to visit and we had the same problem. I kept telling her “Don”t fear the cookie” But all the time we played it I was hoping I would get it and not her. She didn’t take the defeat very well…. I tried to loose
Should be put in a ban on Candyland !!
Yea! Good for you (and the grandparents)! I agree life will, on its own ,bring plenty of lessons and losses. Why not let the kids win and have some fun! This time will pass quickly so enjoy it!
Kathy
When your playing Candy Land it’s OK to let the little ones win, but let me tell you, playing Old Maid with Grandma, well Grandma tends to want to get that Old Maid passed quickly to someone else and she doesn’t care who it is!