I must admit when the email came into the newsroom last night about a “nurse-in” at a local rec center, I took notice. So much so, I told the news managers-who assign stories-that I thought we should cover it. Here is some of what it said:
A nurse-in protest will be held tomorrow, 5 March 2009 around 10am. This is in response to a staff member’s request to a woman to cover up or relocate herself while nursing her young child. Iowa law states that a woman has the right to breastfeed “the woman’s own child in any public or private location where the mother and the child otherwise are authorized to be present.” Both mother and child were otherwise lawfully present in the gym.
You see once you breastfeed your child, no matter how long or how much trouble it takes, you’re a changed woman. Not only will you never look at your breasts the same but you can’t help but feel a sense of pride and accomplishment for letting nature takes its course in such an awesome way. I am all dried up now having stopped nursing Thomas a few weeks ago. But the six months I spent sleeping in nursing bras, pumping in a cramped edit bay in the newsroom and trying to comfortably do it in public were significant. It was no easy task. That’s why, though the above account is only one side of the story, I can’t help but feel compassion for any nursing mother under pretty much any circumstance. When your hungry baby is screaming and likely causing a scene in the process, you do what it takes to get that boob in the mouth as quickly and hopefully as discreetly as possible. I know the whole thing grosses some people out. But as someone once told me, America is unlike other countries in that public nursing is so rare people have not come to accept it as normal. What could be more natural? It’s okay to smoke in front of children or even get drunk-it happens at water parks-but it’s offensive for a woman to feed her baby the way God intended? I don’t get it. The picture I’ve included of Thomas nursing is one I cherish. My mom snapped it in the midst of all my sleepless nights of round-the-clock nursing and napping. I feel so fortunate to have been able to breastfeed both my children privately and some times publicly during those precious first few months of life.
Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 8
This post was written by tthomas on March 5, 2009
Tara, I too nursed all 4 of my children and trust me, things were much different when my babies were nursing. I could never bring myself to nurse in public. Thats not to say that I didnt go to the bathroom and do it in there. I also would take them to the van and nurse there. It is totally natural and some women are very discreet in doing so. Then there are some out there that have no problem whipping it out. Those women are the ones I have problems with. Peeing is a natural occurance too, but I dont want to see someone do that in public. I am all for it if a woman can do so in a classy, private way. I think it is great that they have changing stations in restrooms now, and I wish they would make a nursing area as well.
Hi Tara I totally agree with your statement. I am a mom who is currently breastfeeding my 5 month old son. Unfortunately, breastfeeding in public is not as welcomed as it should be. If I am somewhere with my baby in public, I go to the van and nurse. I am very uncomfortable with the way people look at me when I am nursing. The dirty looks I have gotten and I even cover up with a blanket!! Not that I have to. I dont feel that i am doing anything wrong, I just do it because I know others may look down on it. To tell you the truth, I even have gotten dirty looks when I am sitting in my own van nursing in the parking lot!! I really wish it would change how people look at nursing mothers. It is the most natural thing and it is what God has intended for us to do with our breasts. Thankyou for speaking out and getting that story on the news.
Tara,
I am 8 months pregnant with my first child and I am so excited to breastfeed my baby. I can’t wait to take those steps that so many women have taken. Of course we should be able to whip it out. Women have been doing it since the dawn of time. I agree with you when you talk about drinking and smoking. I feel that if society deems it acceptable for people to endanger their child’s health by smoking around them and in some cases through the pregnancy, than how can people possible get so huffy over feeding a child the most natural and healthy way. If you don’t like it, than stop staring. You don’t have to look. It’s not like people are going to stop holding hands and kissing in public. You don’t have to look it’s as simple as that. Tara I thank you for standing up for me and my friends.
Tara,
I am the mother who was asked to either cover up the nursing baby or take it to the locker room or bathroom. I have to admit that I was stunned when it happened, because through almost 3 years nursing my oldest, and while nursing my 6 month old, I have never been told to cover up before. Most people don’t even know I’m nursing, they just assume my daughter is sleeping. The support that came out for today’s nurse-in was wonderful, and amazing despite only a days notice!
My intention was never to disturb anyone else or make anyone feel uncomfortable- my intention was to make my baby comfortable by feeding her. I don’t eat under a blanket, so why should she? I don’t eat in the bathroom or a locker room, so why should she? And as you said- sometimes breastfeeding is not easy, and when situations come up like this, it makes the mother in question feel ashamed and guilty. For what? Feeding their baby.
I am thankful that Iowa law protects nursing mothers, and hopefully situations like this will make people be a little more open-minded about something that a womans body is made to do. I really appreciate you bringing this story up and getting it aired- the more the public is educated about breastfeeding and how normal, natural, and beautiful it is, the better.
Tara,
Thank you for sharing your breastfeeding experience with us. It is a very natural way to love, bond, and FEED your baby. As I’m sure you are aware, the advantages to breastfeeding babies are many and have been well documented. The American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Academy of Family Physician recommends nursing for one year, while the World Health Organization suggests two years! Unfortunately, there are some who find breastfeeding obscene and unnatural. I have breastfed both of my daughters well past a year each in just about every public setting imaginable. Yes, I was awkward and nervous at first, but soon felt comfortable and enjoyed being able to care for my daughters in such a healthy manner. I encourage all women who are interested in nursing to do so in public. This simple, beautiful, and natural act in and of itself brings awareness to the importance of supporting the families in our communities. Thank you for covering such an important issue, Tara!
Tara,
I thought this post was lovely and thank you so much for taking a special interest in our story. I was the lady who apparently organized the nurse-in (I actually just instigated it and everyone came together in solidarity). Well done to you for feeding your baby in the healthiest way possible.
In an email from the Rec Center I was told that basically they had done no wrong because they only asked her to be discreet and not to stop. Iowa law does protect even exposure of the nipple incidental to breastfeeding so for them to even ask is unacceptable and offensive. They claimed that this is an “unwritten policy” so as to assure the comfort of all their patrons. I don’t think Elizabeth felt very comfortable being asked to “cover up”. I personally saw her breastfeeding today and you couldn’t see anything and even if you had been able to, she is protected by law and I for one find the image of a mother feeding her baby beautiful and awe inspiring.
I am just perplexed by the position the Rec Center are taking on this. They expect us to go and pay money for our young children to play there yet they refuse to acknowledge what they did was offensive and upsetting to a lot of mothers. I really expected an out and out apology when I emailed them and instead they defended their stand on the matter. I really am confused.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on breastfeeding and for getting the news coverage for the nurse in. Breastfeeding is the way nature intended human babies to be fed. Our local La Leche League Group meets monthly to help mothers find solutions to situations like the Rec Center incident and share the day to day experiences of breastfeeding. We can be reached at cedarlooLLL@cfu.net or 268-0727 or 234-2374.
I have to agree with Krissyann. I breast fed my oldest daughter for only 3 weeks, because I wasn’t producing enough to satisfy her. I fully intended to breastfeed my youngest as well, but due to circumstances I wasn’t able to. However, Tara, I was the woman who moved her child so you could sit down in the Applebees waiting area, since you obviously had your hands full. When you proceeded to feed your son next to my three year old daughter, I was forced to have a conversation with her that only led to more questions I wasn’t prepared to answer yet. Breastfeeding in front of adults is one thing, but in front of very young children that you don’t know is a different story. As adults we should respect what you’re doing, but as a mother, you should respect other children as well.
Tara,
I am now a grandma with two lovely little girls which their Mommy breastfed in private and in public. Such a natural and loving way to bond with your children. Shame on those who think this is offensive. Looking at a half naked man or woman or lude displays of affection in public doesn’t seem to offend alot of people. What’s wrong? Keep up the posts. I enjoy reading them everyday. What a precious picture of Thomas.
I am finding myself FUMING at the last post from Rebecca. Give me a break!! What do you think God gave us breasts for?? To nurse our young! That’s what you tell your daughter! It is APALLING to me that by giving our children the best gift we could give them we are offending others. Get over yourself and pray that your daughter is more open-minded than you are.
I have two children and I have nursed for several years. My youngest did breastfeed past her third birthday. I did most of my breastfeeding at home. I think it is horrible that my kids and I are subjected to topless men who look like they are nine months pregnant. Cover up! I think it is horrible that I can’t go into a store without some lady in her thong underwear right in my face. Cover up! Breasts were made for nursing. I am sick of hearing all the lies made up about breastfeeding. Can’t nurse your baby or WON’T nurse your baby? There is a difference. My children know and understand that babies are breastfed and not just shoved in a carseat with a bottle full of chemicals propped in their mouths. There are financial benefits from breastfeeding as well as health benefits for mom and baby. I am so glad that I did breastfeed and will never have to look back on my life and wish that I had. No regrets.
Rebecca- maybe you should have taken that as an opportunity to teach your daughter about her own body, and what it will eventually do someday when she has children of her own. I have come across a few curious children too, and you know what I tell them? My body makes milk for my babies because I have breasts. Some mothers choose not to feed their babies with their breasts, so those babies get a bottle. Pretty simple explanation- especially for a 3 year old.
I was told that the Rec Center’s “unspoken” rule (unspoken apparently because it is illegal for them to do so) was so everyone was comfortable, because they want to accommodate everyone. Great. But tell me, please- are you comfortable eating with a blanket over your head? Or eating on a toilet? Is it accommodating when you have to make your older child stop playing so you can feed your baby? Or just not leave the house at all, because God forbid, someone might be offended at the thought of a baby *eating*. Seriously, that’s what everyone is getting all worked up over. A baby eating. If it offends you, don’t look. I guarantee that most of the time, unless you are standing right above the baby that is nursing, you aren’t even going to know, and if you do know, you probably still won’t see anything.
Breastfeeding does not come easily for a lot of women- women who only want to do what is best for their babies. The criticism and negativity that these women face is going to frustrate them, embarrass them, and make them feel like they are doing something wrong, until eventually they give up. Breastfeeding in public can be very, very nerve-wracking, especially in the beginning. You’re afraid you are going to bother someone, so maybe you wait a little longer to feed the baby. By now the baby might be crying, which already bothers people even though that’s what babies do. You are fumbling with your shirt and bra and trying to keep covered up while also trying to keep your child on your lap, then get them latched on, and when you do, your baby relaxes, and you can finally relax. And then you look up, and see people giving you dirty looks. Or you are told to cover up or take it somewhere else. Can you imagine how that must feel? When someone makes you ashamed of how you feed your baby? When someone makes you ashamed of what your body does naturally… to feed your baby.
Women should *not* be ashamed of breastfeeding, and especially breastfeeding in public. If anyone should feel ashamed, it’s the people who criticize and complain with no other argument than “it makes me uncomfortable, I don’t want a ring side seat”. If you don’t want a ring side seat, don’t buy a ticket for the event. Don’t look. Turn away. But whatever you do, realize that breastfeeding is not going away, and maybe it’s time to see the issue from another perspective. Like perhaps, the hungry baby who just wants to eat.
Tara,
Thank you for covering this. Thank you for being a willing public figure to advocate for breastfeeding, that is not always easy. I nursed my twin daughters and spent much time at home or in bathrooms nursing because it was impossible to not be topless when feeding them both. If I were to nurse just one at a time the other spent the entire time screaming, and well you can imagine what that did for milk let down and what not….Here’s to hoping that someday, even twin moms will feel comfortable nursing in public. Rita
P.S. Have the mothers who feel uncomfortable explaining breastfeeding to their children also written Hooters and Cosmopolitan to complain about their use of women’s breasts for sales and explotation? If you’re gonna complain about seeing boobs (of all things!) you should be consistent, at the least.
Tara,
I read your blog on a regular basis and am very impressed on how you touch on so many subjects that a mother encounters. I also enjoy reading about other mom’s experiences and thoughts in the comments. We were pregnant with our children at the same times so I can relate to so many of these topics. I truly wanted to breastfeed both of my children but my body just wouldn’t produce, especially with my son who is now 2 1/2. I had a little better luck with my daughter, who is 8 months, but I still encountered my body refusing to produce much milk. After a couple weeks and a lot of crying and guilt, I decided that I would supplement as much as I possibly could through pumping 6-10 times per day. I was able to give her about 1/2 of her daily needs until she was 4 months old and I felt a huge accomplishment, despite all of the struggles I had been through. I researched the subject, power-pumped, de-stressed my life as much as possible, and even resorted to herbs and mother’s tea to do anything possible to increase my supply, but nothing worked. After explaining all of that, I want to state my disappointment in another comment above, where they talk about a baby being given a “bottle full of chemicals”. I have come to accept the difficulties I encountered with breastfeeding, so this comment does not really bother me in that sense. I just hope that other moms who are having difficulty with breastfeeding for whatever reason, do not take this comment to heart and therefore feel guilty for having to give their baby formula. Whether a baby was breastfed or formula fed, breastfed naturally or given expressed milk…what matters most is how much love the baby has in their life. A baby will only thrive if they are loved…this is what matters more than anything else!
Tara,
I feel compelled to leave a comment after reading your entry regarding the nurse-in. I enjoy reading your blog!
First, I think nursing is one of the most WONDERFUL AND NATURAL things that a woman/mother can experience. I nursed our first for three short weeks before turning to formula. I nursed our second till 14 months, and our 13 month old is still nursing. I have deep respect and compassion for nursing moms. It takes a lot of dedication and commitment, and it’s not always “easy” to do. I always tried to be discreet while nursing in public; and only received compliments from other mothers and grandmothers who had previously shared this experience. What a wonderful thing! And, good heavens, I don’t think anyone should have to eat/drink in a bathroom stall!!
Second, I do not think one should condemn an FDA approved supplement such as infant formula. It may not be one’s first choice, but in some situations, it’s the only alternative. I had every intention of nursing exclusively with our first, but it just didn’t work. I agree that mothers should not be looked down upon if they choose (or are forced to) to offer infant formula. I think many would support the notion that formula-fed babies can, and do, thrive.
Third, I am uphalled about the Applebee’s comment. I would MUCH rather provide a brief explanation to a three year old about breastfeeding than having to explain, perhaps, why a person may choose to smoke in a public waiting area. Prior to the July 2008 smoking ban, I had to excuse my toddler from a restaurant waiting area due to someone’s choice to smoke in public. Subsequently, my son asked many questions about smoking that I wasn’t exactly prepared to answer either. As parents, we have to explain many things…..Why do people smoke? Why does that police officer have that car pulled over? Why is that man drinking beer in a public restaurant filled with children? Why do some kids not have to buckle in their carseats? Why do people have tatoos? I would much rather answer the breastfeeding question than a question regarding something that is unnatural and/or a poor choice. It’s not like you offered your breast to this mother or her three year old! (Prior to the smoking ban it would’ve been equivalent to forcing your boob into another person’s mouth; we weren’t always able to avoid second-hand smoke!!) I would have given an honest and confident explanation to the three year old, maybe it would inspire her to become a nursing mother someday!
CHEERS TO ALL OF YOU NURSING MOMS!!
Wonderful article! I wasn’t fortunate to have breastfeed my son when he was born but I know that I would NEVER have fed him in a bathroom!!!
I kind of feel sorry for Rebecca though. If she finds it SOOOOOOOOOOO difficult to explain that a baby is being nourished & that it is natural………..just think of how she will handle OTHER situations to come in the future. * Sigh *
I saw it as a great opportunity she would have had to explain it to her child.
I feel compelled to come to Rebecca’s defense. Did anyone actually read what she wrote? The woman DID breastfeed. She’s not condemning the bonding of breastfeeding, she’s upset with the tact (or lack there of) it is approached with in public. I fully believe that every woman that has the capability to feed her child naturally should. I was not able to because my son was born 2 months premature so I pumped and bottle fed, including formula. At first I was completely disgusted by the comment left about the bottle filled with chemicals. But now I realize that was just a shallow and careless thought. Quite honestly my son would not have made it if he had to solely rely on me for nutrition. I have no problem with breastfeeding in public unless you are feeding in a restaurant. I think there are quite a few beautiful and natural acts in this world but most of them I don’t care to see while my family is eating. My one question remains this. What do all the women that have been so defensive do when you return to work? I’m going to safely assume that you pump and store breast milk or just stop breastfeeding all together. So what would be so wrong with taking a bottle to the restaurant? The restaurant YOU made plans to go to during your baby’s feeding time. How does dad ever get a chance to bond with baby if mom is always the one feeding?
For those of you that said Rebecca should be able to explain to her 3 YEAR OLD about what will eventually happen to her body; you should be ashamed of yourselves! That is in no way an appropriate or fair conversation for a child that young. He/she would never comprehend what they were being told. I think we have all been uncomfortable answering questions that come from our babies; that doesn’t mean we can’t handle it. It simply means we felt it wasn’t an appropriate time or place. As parents we’re all naturally going to be more protective of our own children and what they are subjected to. We all have the right to our opinions and how we raise our children. It’s encouraging to see the comments on here, whether or not I agree with them, because we’re being active. All in all breastfeeding in public or for how long will always be a matter of opinion and comfort level of each mother. We should all be thankful we have our babies with us to love and hold every day.
Thank you so much for addressing this. I am a Mom who is currently in the process of weaning my 5 month old as I am not producing enough for her. This was my first child and I choose to breastfeeding. There were many times over the span of five months that I was made to feel uncomfortable about nursing. It makes me sad that our culture looks at breastfeeding as something dirty. It was the most amazing experience for me and I am sad now that it is ending.
“shoved in a carseat with a bottle full of chemicals propped in their mouths.”
Wow, so much for being non-judgemental, you don’t want to be judged for breastfeeding, but don’t think twice about judging those who bottle feed. My kids were both bottle fed, apparently because I’m evil, but by some miracle they managed to survive, and are both perfectly healthy to boot. Think before you speak.
I do not want to see a breast at Applebees, I dont want to have to hear a parent explain to a 3yr old child why it is or is not appropriate to nurse in public. I dont want to see a mother nurse her child in public at all. Think about it, Tara, would you whip it out in church w/out covering up! Maybe I am too old fashioned, but I am 1 of those who nursed my child in private, an opportunity to share time w/my child only. Call me modest, but I wouldnt change and shower at the rec center either! Women, get over yourselves…no one is saying you shouldnt do it, but I dont think (or hope) you would have sex in public either. If we were a society that ran around naked like some other countries maybe it would be more socially acceptable. Quit bashing Rebecca and lets try to be ladies.
Wow! This is a really heated topic. I also nursed my 3 children, and think it’s one of the most wonderful things I could have done for them. (They were also formula fed at a certain point, and are all perfectly healthy!) It is too bad that nursing in public has to be such an issue. As good as it was for my kids, I was still uncomfortable doing it in front of strangers, and did try to do it discreetly. I find myself feeling bad for Rebecca for all the grief she’s getting for her comments, and don’t think we should be appalled by her statements. My kids all know that mommy’s boobs made milk to feed them when they were babies, so they probably wouldn’t think twice if they saw another mother nursing, but I can still understand why some people are uncomfortable seeing another person’s breast when they’re getting ready to eat. I nursed in restaurants, airports, cars, and malls, (Von Maur has a wonderful place to sit right before you enter the restrooms.), and I did put a blanket over my babies heads while doing it. They were perfectly comfortable this way, and so was I. Reading the comments from everyone, it just sounds like more establishments need to provide places for nursing mothers to feed their babies. Then everyone can be happy.
I have to say that I think breast feeding is a wonderful thing, although I am one that will hide in the bathroom only for my own shyness……but mothers that are not afraid to nurse in public should not be told that they shouldn’t do that……even in front of small children….I think that the adults are or should be able to explain what is going on to their child. It is a part of what mom’s should do to have healthy children. Kids may ask questions, but how else are they going to learn. Some will even pretend to “Nurse” a doll which is NORMAL for a child to do…..just talk to them about what it is that they are doing and they will understand! I nursed 3 out of my 4 boys and plan to nurse my 5th baby as well.
Bravo to Tara & all nursing moms. Boo to the commenters who made my blood pressure spike.
A few FEMALES are grossed out by seeing a baby eating side by side with family, satisfied & loved by his mother naturally AS GOD INTENDED. YOU need therapy. You’ve been led astray. You have lost your ability to know what is natural and wonderful and lovely.
In answer to the ridiculous question — yes — I would certainly nurse in church. Where better? God loves me, He loves my children, He wants them happy, not crying during the service. I nurtured my son as an infant so he will not need go-go bars in his future to find a place for his unmet oral fixation.
My daughter was nursed to her 3rd birthday. She knew to hold a doll to her breast for feeding, as it should be. She will never be uncomfortable as a new mom putting baby to breast. Modesty is EASY, even a blanket is unnecessary with the proper shirt. There is no need to see unless you’re STARING.
The reason many women have problems is they are so afraid of offending some moron instead of focusing on the infant. Tribal cultures have more intelligence than American society. I could cry that something so beautiful & natural has been turned into something even other women would degrade & mock. SHAMEFUL!!!
There is nothing more beautiful than a calm baby who is able to nurse on demand. A bottle fed baby is not the same, not ever, not at all. I pity women who cannot breastfeed, some issues are valid, many are not. It’s time consuming, it’s not a small commitment.
Breast enhancements for 18-year olds as graduation gifts. Why not? They’re made of the same chemicals, silicone & plastic that make formula and bottles.
Fake breasts pushed up to the neck line on every awards show & concert, in every bar & restaurant (with all but the areolas poking out of the top of the dress). Sexual innuendo in nearly ever single sentence of every situation comedy, including the commercials. 13-year old girls who are depressed & hate themselves because they don’t look like Barbie or the Olsen twins. Yet people are upset with mother’s milk. ACK!
Breastfeeding is not a sexual act, breasts are not sexual organs, they are GLANDS meant for BREASTFEEDING. People who can’t handle looking at a breast are just plain uncomfortable with intimacy. They’d rather view it as pornography, dirty & disgusting, instead of as an object of beauty, an implement of nourishment & nurturing.
A 3-year old could understand it all so easily, unlike a grown woman who has been screwed up to believe the female body is disgusting & the act of feeding an infant should be hidden behind a bathroom door like masturbation.
Breastfeeding moms are heros. Be proud!
I had no idea that my few sentences would cause this big of a commotion. But, since it did, I feel called to defend myself and to thank those few of you that defended me too.
First of all, to those of you who said I appall them, those are nice words. I never said you appall me, I never said it was disgusting, seems to me a lot of words are being put in my mouth.
Fourbabycubs; thanks for your prayers about my child, however since you know nothing except this one thing about her mother, how can you hope she’s more open-minded than I am?
Nursed a 3 year old, your bottle full of chemicals statement has obviously offended more than just myself. How dare you say something so hurtful to the people who don’t have a choice of breastfeeding. We are no less of a mother than you are! In my case, I could not produce enough milk to nourish my children, and Sarah wrote that her son was born prematurely so she had the same problem. Sometime people can not control whether or not their baby gets breast fed….and I must have missed the FDA memo about formula being nothing but chemicals. I have to wonder how many of the mothers on here are comfortable with the fact that you were still breastfeeding a 3 year old?
Elizabeth, teach my 3 year old about her body? There is a reason health class is taught in 5th grade. Our kids are growing up too fast as it is and now you want me to explain about hormones to a 3 year old? Once again, you must not have clearly read what I wrote, because I said “it led to questions I was not prepared to answer.” I don’t know about your children, but mine don’t normally stop with just one question. And Applebees was not the place I wanted to have that conversation. And I don’t believe I “bought the ring side seat”. I offered a seat to a mom with her hands full, having no idea that she was about to feed. If I had been walking past, it’s one thing. But I was sitting there, next to her, with my child. And no, as an adult, I’m not comfortable eating with a blanket over my head…however I don’t walk outside with a blanket over my face when its cold outside either, is that to say you NEVER cover your childs head? I also can’t ride backwards in a car, like a newborn is supposed to. You can’t compare an infant to an adult on a lot of levels. Rita, no I didn’t write a letter of complaint to Hooters or Cosmo….probably because who in their right mind takes a 3 year old to Hooters? And my child prefers Dr. Seuss to Cosmo.
Wintergirl, again, thanks for your concern about my child. No need to worry though, I will handle other situations with her just fine. Because I am her mother, and I can choose how and when to have those conversations with her.
Katie, trust me honey, you’re not evil! Don’t let them get to you.
Angie, I agree with you, more place should have a special area for breastfeeding moms. I also think public restrooms should have a changing table in the mens bathroom as well, but that’s a whole other topic. Pamela, I guess I’m just relieved we don’t go to the same church. I go to church to be closer to God who also loves me and my non breast fed children. As for the comment that bottle fed children are not ever the same…I’m not sure exactly where you were going with that. My formula fed children are happy, healthy, smart, and have excelled past their breastfed friends in many areas. I believe its not what you feed them that makes them who they are, but how you love them. As for the statement that I have been screwed up to believe the female body is disgusting, that’s just ridiculous. Yet again, words are being put in my mouth. And for your information, I myself was a breast fed baby. My mother was able to produce her milk, does that means she loves me more than I love my kids because my body failed to produce?
Hi Tara,
I proudly nursed my first son for 14 months and my second son for 11 months and am excited to nurse my 3rd child due in a few weeks. I have encounted plenty of negative comments about breastfeeding, sadly even in my own home. Everyone has an opinion on this issue, but really it comes down to this “to each is their own”. All moms want to make the right decision for their children, isn’t that what makes a good mom - doing what we think is right and good for our children?
Being a parent is the hardest job we will ever have and we as moms, on either side of this issue, should not have to hear mean and negative comments . We should be proud of the decisions we make for our children and feel comfort in fact that we have the support of other moms. We are truly the only ones that know how hard it is and what it means to be “MOM”.
We need to practice what we preach to our children - if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.
Tara,
I don’t blame you for feeding your child in public and no one should say anything about nursing in public. If you don’t like it don’t look. I had the opposite problem. I was unable to breast-feed so I pumped and gave my son breast-milk in a bottle for 6 1/2 months. I had people actually stop in a restaurant and ridicule me for feeding my son a bottle of formula when it was actually a bottle of breast-milk. If I breast-fed my son I would happily do so in church a restaurant or anywhere. Breastfeeding is the most natural thing and it should be more excepted. Formula is okay to though and I have no problem with formula feeding either. THis is a heated topic that will remain this way forever. America made Breasts a sexual object and therefore some people can’t over look it.
I agree with Nikki, if you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all, so people should stop attacking nursing mothers. Some things are worth standing up for or black people would still be slaves & Nazis would have euthanized millions more who weren’t blonde. Our babies, too, are worth protection from neanderthal attitudes, from lack of common sense, from people who are uncomfortable with doing as God intended, who think they know better.
Rebecca states: “Breastfeeding in front of adults is one thing, but in front of very young children that you don’t know is a different story. As adults we should respect what you’re doing, but as a mother, you should respect other children as well.” Not responding to such a twisted statement leaves the wackos of the world in charge & that DOES NOT WORK. In essence, she’s saying Tara disrespected another child by feeding her own. Ridiculous! Sarah wonders if we actually read what Rebecca wrote and states: “For those of you that said Rebecca should be able to explain to her 3 YEAR OLD about what will eventually happen to her body; you should be ashamed of Yourselves!” I don’t think anyone was suggesting a scientific answer based on hormones & menstrual cycles, nor tampons or eventual menopause! “She’s feeding her baby” might work! Am I the only mother of a daughter who has seen her father’s penis & wanted to know what it was then cried cause she didn’t have one? For those of you with the inability to answer the question of a child with simplicity and ease, get help, find a therapist. Your children will thank you later on. Gina, consider yourself part of that group. You are not “old fashioned,” you are REPRESSED. How did you even type this statement: “no one is saying you shouldnt do it, but I dont think (or hope) you would have sex in public either.” How does your mind work to even compare sex to breastfeeding a child? Obviously, your mind DOESN’T work. That’s the problem. Should suckling babies be locked away in closets? Don’t answer that. Clearly she thinks babies should be allowed to dehydrate until behind closed doors & drawn curtains. So utterly ridiculous! Don’t have children if you can’t handle the basics! Stay home! Don’t go out in public!
Poor Angie has been so brainwashed that she believes we need to have more specialized rooms for nursing mothers, no windows, no air flow. I guess they should be segmented like toilets, too, so we don’t have the possibility of one nursing mom accidentally seeing another’s breast. In reality, these rooms are nothing but germ magnets & I would not use one. She also thinks restaurants are one of the worst places for nursing - HUH? It’s about FOOD, girls! We’re eating, the baby is eating. Very simple. If you don’t like it, stop staring and trying to find a hint of nipple to be grossed out by! Finally, Rebecca returns & wonders what’s the difference in a breastfed baby. Clearly, she’ll never know. First hint: Find the crying baby in the room, the one with stomach problems, the one who can’t be soothed instantly & naturally as intended when the female body was designed by . . .
Pamela, It’s okay to attack those of us who disagree with your thoughts, but God forbid anyone say anything bad about a mother breast feeding in public? As far as I can tell, the only people being attacked are the ones with opinions different from yours. As for finding the crying baby in the room? Again, my formula fed child was the happiest baby I have ever seen. Apparently your children have never gone to daycare. I know where my kids go, the breast fed babies tend to be the ones who cry more. As for Angie’s idea of a feeding room, I didn’t see anything wrong with it. And she breast fed her kids! Are you just the woman who wants to see if she can get a rise out of someone? Your opinions are clearly the only ones that matter. Since you’re so set on being able to breast feed anywhere and everywhere, I wonder if you’re the mom who got pulled over for breast feeding while driving.
I can’t sit back and read this a moment longer without the need to say a few things. The negative replies to this post are overwhelming and ridiculous, to say the least. Those who are claiming that bottle-fed babies are being fed chemicals are obviously misinformed. Sometimes babies are even allergic to their mother’s milk, so what do you suggest the mother do then? Continue to feed the baby her milk because it’s better for the baby? I tried to breastfeed my baby and she would not latch on at all, and was fussy because she couldn’t get anything to eat, so we had to resort to formula. She slept through the night (and has continually) once she had something to eat. She’s also very happy. I watch another girl who was formula fed and she’s grumpier and even though she’s around 5 months older than my daughter, she doesn’t weigh as much, and they’re about the same height, and my daughter is not chubby either.
On to breast’s not being a sexual part of your body.. if they weren’t, why would we cover them up in the first place? And secondly, the Bible even says that they are (Song of Solomon 4:5 for one). So don’t say that America sexualized them.
Now for breast feeding in public, I don’t see anything wrong with it in general, though I feel that covering up is a good idea. If I had been able to breast feed, that’s what I would have done, unless I was at home or with certain people. Just because you’re using your breast to feed a baby, doesn’t mean that anyone wants to see it before or after you feed.
Pamela J, your comment of “stop attacking nursing mothers” is a bit ridiculous, considering that the people who are being attacked are, in fact, those who bottle feed.
I, once again, would like to address the fact that some mothers are NOT ABLE to breastfeed! For those of you that have made negative comments regarding formula fed babies and children, please tell me what you recommend for those women or babies that have medical problems that prevent them from nursing. I spent both of my pregnancies planning to nurse, buying one of the best pumps available, etc and my plan was not allowed to happen. I believe in God…but I also believe that God made my body the way he did for a reason, therefore there is a reason I was unable to breastfeed as I really wanted to. PLEASE STOP MAKING COMMENTS ABOUT FORMULA FED BABIES! MY CHILDREN SHOULD NOT HAVE TO GROW UP THINKING THAT THEY ARE NOT AS GOOD OR SMART AS BREASTFED BABIES! Just like I said in my previous post…the most important thing is that a baby is loved! It’s odd how only one person agreed with me on this, but more people are more interested in arguing with each other on which Mom’s beliefs are best when it comes to feeding.
Hannah and Mom of 2, Thank you Thank you Thank you!!
Rebecca,
I am an elementary teacher and have been around children all of my life. Everything from working in daycares, babysitting, and now teaching. Needless to say I have had my share of experience dealing with babes.I also have seen how different children are raised. I feel sorry for your child who seems like will live a sheltered life. It is strange to me that you would not be truthful with your child. Just like Pamela stated, an acceptable answer would have been “that’s how babies eat.” Honestly, if you feel uncomfortable with answering a question from your child about breast feeding, or your child seeing it, I have two words for you GOOD LUCK. Do you shelter your child’s eyes from a baby drinking from a bottle? You know, the nipple looks pretty authentic. Don’t ever turn on a T.V. or radio because I can promise you your child would see or hear something that surely would be unacceptable. Since Nikki stated if we can’t say anything nice then we shouldn’t anything at all, I’d like to add a rule we teach our children as well, Honesty is the Best Policy!!
After reading these I felt I need to leave another comment. Those of who breastfeed know you feed your baby on demand. Yes I would try to bring a bottle of pre pumped breast milk when I was going to be in public but that did always work for a time my baby would not take a bottle. I tried to be discrete when nursing in public by going to a restroom. Which I hated. It was uncomfortable and my baby could sense I did not like it. Once I was even asked to leave a restroom. We were travling coming home from my Grandma’s funeral we stopped at a Dairy Queen in Spring Valley. I was feeding my baby in the restroom it was only a one room bathroom so I locked the door. While feeding her they knocked on the door and asked if I could step out as other people were waiting to use the restroom. Being shy and not wanting to cause waves I did in the mean time while I was waiting to go back in to finish my baby cried and cried having been interupted from her feeding. How fair is it to have to put a baby through that. If breastfeeding was more acceptable in public I would have just fed her at our table. I don’t think there is anything wrong with formual feeding I am now having to formual feed as I am not producing enough milk anymore but I believe our society needs to be more understanding of breastfeeding mover over breastfeeding in public. If done right nothing is exposed. And as it has been stated before we should teach children that is the way the baby gets there food. I know that is what I will be teaching my daughter.
How can you start out stating you agree with “if you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all” and proceed to try to offend all whose opinion differs from yours? I honestly hope you don’t approach your children with that kind of hostility if their opinion is not as you believe it should be. You mention God and how HE loves you and your children. That is true HE does but HE also loves all of us and our children who for whatever reason didn’t breast feed. My beliefs are just that, mine. Pointing fingers and placing blame is nothing but childish behavior. Just because some of us don’t agree with breastfeeding in public doesn’t mean we are careless women. You go on to condemn those that compared sex with breastfeeding yet you compared it with slavery and nazi euthanization. You call Angie brainwashed and all she’s asking for is some privacy for her and her baby. She’s still willing to feed her child in public but would like a safe and quiet place to do so and you still attack her! Isn’t that the perfect example of close-mindedness? Maybe instead of being so condescending you could have given other women some advise on how to be more confident and comfortable feeding in public. But please don’t try now, it would appear too little too late.
Rebecca-
You Go Girl!
(Oh and by the way, I do have common sense, unlike I was accused of not having from a previous blog on here). Why I even have enough common sense that I breast fed but I didn’t need to show the public that I did. I covered up rather than sharing my breast with every man, woman, child, who walked by.
Jane~
Like I said earlier, the only thing you know about me is my stance on this one issue. You know nothing of my personal life. You don’t know what kind of friends and family I have, so you have no idea how UN-sheltered my children are. I prefer that they keep their innocence for as long as possible. My daughters questions did not end with “What is that lady doing?” I have said it at least twice, Tara breastfeeding led to MORE questions. Thanks for your concern, but believe me, my children are happy, healthy, smart, and they still have their innocence about them. Out of curiousity, my 3 year old asked me this year if Santa was real. Am I a bad mom for telling her he is?? INNOCENCE!
Rebecca,
There is a difference from innocence and common sense. Honestly, you are going to have to invest in some blinders for your child or never let her out in public. A mother nursing a child should not be offensive. Your inappropriate behavior towards Tara, probably made your child question the situation. I just don’t understand how a piece of your child’s innocence would be taken away from knowing they get milk from their mother’s breast. Unfortunately, your child will be getting an education from other children since her mother has such a hard time communicating with her.
As a parent- when you take your child out in public - you must be prepared to answer ANY question. I found myself telling my 2 year old about an elderly gentlmans hearing aides as he listened to my response to her question “mama - what’s in that mans ears” over and over again. You never know what our children are going to see these days. It’s your job to decide what answer is appropite for your child.
I too have nursed two children - and it is the greatest feeling of accomplishment - giving them what they were intended to have! I nursed my first one in the bathrooms and cars and never in public - currently with my second - I nurse discretly in public - why should I feel guilty and not enjoy the moments I get to socailize with adults. It’s like punishment for breastfeeding to have to hide in the bathroom, etc. while the non breastfeeding world goes on with it’s fun.
This is really getting out of hand. I started writing to the lady who thought I was brainwashed, but decided I don’t need to defend my comments. Nursing is great for those who are able, and formula is great for those who can’t. If you’re comfortable nursing in public, then do it. I wasn’t comfortable exposing myself, so I covered with a blanket. I’m still a good mom. Since most establishments don’t offer special places for mothers to nurse, we don’t always have a choice where we do it. I didn’t care if people knew I was nursing. I just didn’t want them to see my breast. We do have to explain things to our kids, and nursing should probably be the least scary of all the conversations we’ll have with them. This is obviously a topic that we’re all very passionate about, but some of the comments are getting a bit ridiculous. As one of the earlier comments stated, Let’s be Ladies!
Ladies…please stop arguing and spend time with your children.
The Lord gave us breasts for feeding our little ones and He also asks us to be ladies and live modestly so where that fine line rests for each of us is different.
I agree that breastfeeding is natural and as “God intended”, but is not for everyone, nor does everyone get the opportunity even if wanted to. My daughter spent 7 days in the NICU, unable to be held for 2 of those days, I tried to pump to give her what she needed, but my breasts stopped producing, therefore I had to result to formula or a “bottle full of chemicals” as stated earlier. The FDA approves all formulas found on the shelf and is filled with all the nutrients needed to produce healthy and growing children. My daughter is almost 15 months old now, happy go lucky, and full of energy, although I would have liked to have breast fed for longer, I don’t feel that I did her any injustice now nor ever. The oral fixation thing has nothing to do with breastfed, I wasn’t breastfed and don’t need gogo bars to satisfy my needs. I think that comments about women who bottle feed their children should be kept to themselves.
I agree with women having a right to breast feed in public. However let’s be discrete about it. I was at a restaurant when I noticed an exposed breast, there was a child’s head bobbing around trying to chase it down. Apparently the mother was not paying attention to what she was doing and her breast was completely exposed. After this went on for some time, she eventually realized what had happened. When it came time to switch to the other breast, they both were hanging out there for all to see. I feel that us women can do this public but be more respectful of others at the same time.
When are we going to stop being judgmental about mothers and how they raise their children? I realize not ALL, but most mothers try to do what is best for their children - whether that’s breast-feeding or bottle-feeding. Let’s be supportive of one another, the anger and finger-pointing and name-calling is appalling.
Wow! This certainly IS a heated topic. I have never been able to read this blog before- so since it is now August…I am not sure if anyone will ever see this comment- but felt I HAD to leave one- just to know I did!
I have 4 children and tried to nurse my first daughter. I felt exhausted, she could not latch on correctly, and I spent almost all my time trying to get her to nurse, then I would need to tape a little tube to my breast with a syringe full of formula to try to get her to nurse better, and avoid nipple confusion. I would then need to pump after every feeding, and also did end up supplementing with bottles of formula, as she really didn’t get much out of the little tube/ syringe contraption. Then it would be time to start the whole process over. Since she was my first child, I was not sure how to deal with all the negative comments, and the level of uncomfort of certain relatives. I really thought I would enjoy the whole nursing experience before giving birth…I went to classes & had friends who nursed successfully. But… I was having a horrible time! People would come over and she would sleep because everyone wanted to hold her,and she was exhausted from our feeding efforts…or scream because she was hungry. So, I had to go upstairs and try to feed her- because there was no way to try and feed her discreetly with the tube! So, at my 6 week appt, my doctor asked how I was doing, and let me know it was OK to formula feed. He was concerned for my well being too. I really did not want to, but I went home, gave her a bottle,(without first trying to nurse) and she took the first decent nap ever! I soon quit pumping, and she was a healthy, happy baby. Even though I felt much better, and she was gaining weight better- I felt like a failure. At one point someone walked up to me (after church, no less) and wanted to see my baby. She said “oh, she is tiny- I heard you were starving her!” I don’t know if this person thought she was being funny, but I can tell you that it has been 12 years, and I can still remember how I felt when she said that! I really wanted to nurse. I tried it all! I got over it, and really enjoyed being a Mom. By some miracle, she slept through the night at 3 months, and the extra rest helped me recover from the baby blues I was feeling! I also knew I was taking good care of my baby, and at no point was I allowing her to starve. She received supplements from day one!
I went on to have 3 more children that I nursed for 9 months to a year of age, and had a much better experience- even though it is not always easy! (none of these 3 slept through the night til close to a year!)My youngest is now 10 months and I was sitting at the computer nursing her when I found this post. Hence the reason I felt compelled to leave a comment. I wish women would not be so harsh on each other. I feel I have been on both sides of this issue. I was uncomfortable with people nursing in public until I had children of my own. Some people are so quick to criticize without understanding, or trying to understand. I have nursed a lot privately, but also nursed in public. Not as often as I would have wanted…because at times I let people make me feel uncomfortable. My kids would always move their hands around and knock the blanket off if I tried to cover them up-because they were not covered up at home- so sometimes that just does not work! Plus- it would draw more attention to the fact that I was nursing. We went to the zoo when my son was just 3 weeks old, and spent a lot of time sitting on a bench nursing. Who was next to me on another bench?.. Amish women…nursing their babies…without a blanket covering. You could not tell what they were doing either- looked like they were sleeping. I figured if the Amish women who are very discreet and cover most of their bodies all the time could nurse in public- then so could I. We did not talk to each other, but we just shared a smile. Me, with my stroller full of toys and plastic and “baby stuff” and they, with just the babies in their arms. : )
I personally feel breastfeeding is the best someone can do for their baby, if it is possible. I also wanted to make my point that I agree with some of the above comments, that we should not be so judgemental, regardless of our choice to breast or bottle feed. You never know what someone may be going through. My 10 month old had more problems nursing in the beginning, but I knew I could pump, and eventually she might get the hang of it- and if not- formula would be OK! She still gets formula supplements, along with nursing. Also- some women just choose to bottle feed- and are happy doing so!
As for one of the comments above about bringing a bottle to a restaurant, because you chose to eat there at the babies feeding time.. I just want to vouch for you that once you have more than 2 kids…you still need to feed yourself and them, and sometimes the baby decides they are hungry- right now! Sometimes you have a bottle ready, but sometimes you have not had time to pump, because you have just come from a Dr. appt…etc…I have had to feed my baby a bottle of formula when I knew I should be nursing, and knowing I would need to pump- just to make some relatives more comfortable!(because we were in a restaurant & food just came…etc) With my 4th child…they are still uncomfortable- which makes me uncomfortable, and I feel like I can’t relax- so I often end up having to sit in another room to nurse- which- truth be told… is a nice get away from some of these family functions : ) They are great people, and I do respect them- but on this issue- that is where we are at. It got a bit better with each baby. Thankfully, my side of the family is very comfortable and supportive with it, so it balances out.
I guess there will always be debate on this topic, and this got too long- I am new to the blog world…
I just enjoyed reading these posts- even if some made my blood pressure rise as well!
I will need to check out this blog more often!
From one breast-feeding mom to another…
Not only do I think it’s awesome that you were a breast-feeding mom, but I’m also very impressed that you are willing to share your opinion with the public. Being in the news industry, you have to report the facts, staying objective and neutral regardless of what story you are covering. Thank you for not letting that get in the way of sharing your true feelings with your blog readers….Keep up the great work!
(: Jenny