It occurred to me today while lifting at a local gym, I am weak.  Literally, without enough strength to perform basic tasks.  Only when Dave is along can I correctly adjust the weight machines.  I am not strong enough to change some of the settings.  When I went to do the overhead arm press, I sat down after an older woman.  No surprise she was using 70 more pounds than what I can lift.  Pretty pathetic.  Guys at work help me carry stuff to my car, pull the lids off my soup cans and even unscrew bottled water for me.  It would be tough for me to function without them.  Recently I heard Tracy Morgan say in an interview that he wants a strong woman who’s weak enough to need him.  I thought that nailed what I am to Dave.  Not only do I lean on him for emotional support, I depend on him to physically assist me.  When I lived alone, I don’t recall how I managed.  Seriously.  A relationship expert said on a talk show that some times women need to let the man open the pickle jar.  Don’t be too independent, in other words.  I don’t have to pretend to make that happen.  Before I married Dave, I just didn’t buy pickles. 

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 21

Recently when Charlotte no longer expressed interest in her Saturday morning dance class, it occurred to me that EVERY day we have something scheduled that takes us outside the home.  Weekdays it’s work and school/daycare, Sundays it’s church, Saturdays her class.  So it was an easy decision to pull her out of dance and effectively take back one day a week to just be a family with no particular place to be.  In fact, it’s one of the most freeing things I’ve done in some time.  No kidding!  Under-scheduling our lives for a change.  Of course occasional work commitments and other events will tie up many Saturdays to come… but to not have a regularly-scheduled slot filled on the calendar is refreshing.  I am already more excited for this weekend because very little is on the books.  Weekdays are so crazy as it is with our opposite shifts, so it only makes sense to protect one day as our own.  I should mention, Charlotte loved her dance teacher and the class as it was her second year in the program.  But Dave and I agreed she is just tired of getting up and getting ready every day of her life.  I don’t blame her.

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 21

Thomas and Charlotte, like their Daddy and Nana, are animal lovers.  Sadly, like their Daddy AND Mommy, odds are they’ll both be allergic to cats and dogs…. and horses and hay.  So an indoor pet is not going to happen for them under our roof.  But it’s great almost every house on  the street has a dog or cat or guinea pig for them to play with.  Thomas, especially, enjoys wrestling with Chewy (spelling?) down the street.

Dave grew up with dogs and sneezed his way through years with them as an adult.  I moved in and eventually built up an immunity to their dander.  The poodle, Pomeranian-poodle mix and miniature Yorkie all slept with us.  They were a lot of work for Dave but he loved them dearly.  He took them on multiple walks a day and didn’t get too upset when they got into the garbage cans or peed on his dining room rug.  Yet we agreed dogs were not an option when he moved here.  Since we planned to have kids, and would likely pass on our severe allergies, it was too much to deal with. 

I love that the kids are still exposed to four-legged friends… but am so happy someone else is feeding them, paying the vet and cleaning up all the poop in the yard.  I have enough pee to handle and bills to pay without another slobbery mouth to feed!   

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 21

Dave, Tara & Luann Smith who came from Decorah

An invite from the Cresco Public Library to speak took me to the quaint town Saturday.  A babysitter allowed Dave to come along.  So it was a date!  The drive up was peaceful and filled with the sounds of radio stations WE selected instead of the thousandth screening of The Jungle Book on the flip-down DVD player.  Smiling faces were waiting to greet us, always a welcome sight.  The most unusual part of a situation I frequently experience was that Dave’s presence heightened my emotion beyond what I could have predicted.  It never occurred to me that talking to a room of viewers about all things personal would be any different with my husband seated in  the back.  But let me tell you… when a woman asked me about the most meaningful parts of being a parent and wife, my eyes met Dave’s and I started to lose it.  I had to turn away as I teared up because the man directly involved, the one I wax so passionately about to virtual strangers, was right in front of me.  It was a somewhat awkward, yet comforting surprise.  Just like it’s hard to fake friendly on TV, I can’t pretend to be totally in love with my husband.  I really am.

Pauline, Maddy, Teresa and 10-day-old Carver in Cresco

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 21

Would you believe the day I post details about Dave getting another vasectomy, he unknowingly checked his insurance to see if it’s covered and where he can have it done!  The strange part, it made me sad.  I told him I could see myself breaking down when it happens.  We have just been through so much these past few years… never knowing if biological children would be possible, finding the doctor who perfected the micro-surgical vasectomy reversal in Texas, flying there (me from Iowa, Dave from Washington) to have it done, getting pregnant 3 weeks after the wedding thanks to God’s grace.  And now for it all to be biologically impossible due to a quick, outpatient procedure.  It’s depressing!  But hearing from those who’ve experienced “accidents” does make me pause.  The birth control pill is not something I want to keep up for years to come and I know for sure I do not want any more children.  Yet to shut it all down… well, I am a little fearful to take the leap.  By the way, I am not schooled in all the female options for permanent fixes.  Never cared to inquire since I knew my husband would handle it.  So thanks for enlightening me!

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 21

The more I talk to people, the more I discover my husband does not fit the typical male profile in one major respect.  I could be wrong but, in my unscientific opinion, it seems that most men are against vasectomies or any other procedure down there.  Dave is fine with it.  He does not feel less masculine having a permanent form of birth control in place that I’ve always heard is much less involved for a man.  Yet so many women react in shock and awe when I say he already had one, got it reversed and will likely get another one.  Then I talk to my guy friends who are either divorced or who don’t want more children and it never occurs to them to get one.  But they’ll sleep with women they don’t want to have kids with and we all know these “accidental” pregnancies happen all the time.  I’d go for something foolproof before I became a fool.  I mean look at John Edwards.  Let’s face it, the guy appears to be a dog.  But I guarantee the end result for all involved would have been a lot less traumatic had he simply gone under the knife.  Then I hear about all these women having major problems with menopause.  And I wonder if their hysterectomies ever played a role?  Snipping a tube versus having your uterus taken out seems like a major difference.  Somebody, guys included, shed some light for me here.

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 21

In grade school, I remember disliking a cluster of some spider-like veins on my upper left thigh.  They looked like a bruise that never went away.  Someone told me they could be the result of “growing too fast” since I went from 5’6 to 5’9 in one summer.  As time passed, a few other minor veins appeared on my legs and the the ones in that original area darkened and feathered out.  A surgeon, who did my friend’s gastric bypass, injected some solution in the spot which masked it temporarily.  Not worth the pain of the needle for something that didn’t last.  So more years passed and I finally met with a vascular surgeon to consider a permanent fix, sclerotherapy.  Insurance wouldn’t cover it and I knew children might be in my future.  Pregnancy will surely mess with my circulation and wreak more havoc on my leg veins, I correctly assumed.  Here I am two children later and I would like to finally do something to make my legs more short and swimsuit-friendly.  I have talked with a couple people about lasers and a new option that uses ultrasound and radiofrequency.  The latter I have been told does not hurt like the laser.  I had a small angioma removed with a laser on my leg.  Picture someone pulling a very thick rubber band away from you, like 10 feet, and letting it go to snap against your skin.  That’s what it felt like to me.  Would love to know if anyone has had successful vein removal… I’ll be sure to show you before and after pics if I ever get mine done!

***Bowling for Epilepsy Awareness*** Saturday, April 10 from 12-3 at Maple Lanes in Waterloo  Local mom, Amanda Weichers, organized the event to raise awareness about the condition her son Beau suffers from.

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 21

Since Thomas had ear tubes put in this past summer, his once regular ear infections ended.  But he still gets the cold viruses that make his nose run, eyes puff and ears occasionally drain.  Such was the case Friday night when I arrived home late from work and heard him crying.  He had just been prescribed an antibiotic drop for one ear that morning and was still on drops for a cold that had moved to his eyes earlier in the week.  So guess what I did?  Made a big mistake.  I scooped him up from his crib and proceeded to take him directly to our bed.  Of course Charlotte ended up there, too, and we all slept horribly.  Saturday night, as Daddy predicted, he peed out of his diaper from too much juice and milk before bed.  Around 2am when he cried out, I got up to confirm this.  Ended up changing his diaper and pj’s, stripping his bed and carrying him back to our bed.  Charlotte came in, too, at this point.  So there we all were, up for 2 hours in a chaotic attempt to quiet down with Mommy on the edge and her offspring glued to her on the same pillow.  Daddy bailed at one point to try the main floor couch.  Thomas kept pulling my arm over on top of him to guarantee he would not leave my side.  I liked it, but also knew it was the mark of a boy old enough to get that this was a taste of  the good life his sister has been privy to–sleeping with Mommy and Daddy!  Sure enough, Sunday night he peed out again and I decided to take a stand.  I changed his diaper, pj’s and bed sheet then rocked him in his room back to sleep.  Putting him down in the crib did not go well.  He snapped up and started to scream and yell.  I left him in there and went back to our bed, knowing he is as stubborn as his older sister.  So he kept shouting our names and finally, after 10 minutes, I caved slightly and went in to rock him some more.  Again, once he seemed asleep on my shoulder the crib maneuver failed.  He cried it out for like 20 minutes before giving up and going to sleep.  I had to do this tough love, though sadly I was to blame for it coming to this.  Dave said to me as I got back into bed, “He’s a fast learner, isn’t he?”  “Yes, he is,” I replied begrudgingly.

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 21

The start of my day had some bright spots, don’t get me wrong.  But there were some low points, literally.  Like when I was on the floor scrubbing a lot of poop off the carpeting.  Mondays are never good, especially after a holiday weekend.  I don’t know why.  Perhaps because we were supposed to have so much fun, a letdown is inevitable?  It  started for me at 5:30ish when Thomas woke up crabby.  Daddy was anxious to head out the door, and I knew this, so even though he took him downstairs I couldn’t go back to sleep.  I came down, well started to, but the little girl in my bed protested.  We all ended up back in our bed, minus Daddy, watching some kids’ shows.  A great ritual that allows Mommy to slowly open her eyes and see through them.  The 20 minutes or so spent doing this was followed by about that much time curled up in a hand-me-down Disney princess tent in our living room.  Tough to fit Mommy in there with 2 children, 3 little chairs, a doll stroller and car seat, assorted “babies”, books and purses.  Charlotte told me it was okay if my legs stuck out the door.  An attempt to switch some clothes from the washer to the dryer uncovered the first of two major messes.  A pull-up had made it in the cycle and the sticky, gel-like filling was everywhere!  Re-wash, de-stress and move on.  Their bath ended with me forcing Thomas to brush his teeth, chasing him out the bathroom door.  He used to love to suck on the toothbrush; lately he hates it.  A dash into his bedroom to grab a diaper and outfit was a very bad move.  The 2-minutes of freedom gave him too much time to do something major.  Before I could find him, he came running up to me with poop on his feet, hands and head.  No lie.  Thankfully the bathtub was still draining and I grabbed him and plopped him in the water for a re-do.  I discovered the pee puddle he left by Sissy’s bookcase… but the smeared poop on the carpeting turned up later when I went in our bedroom.  For some crazy reason I thought he managed to keep it contained all over him.  Alas, it was on the floor by Daddy’s side of the bed.  Not sure what that means.  Ha, ha

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 21

I know it’s not realistic to always be on a diet.  But when you’re trying to lose weight, or maintain, and you like to eat as much as me… you are forever going to have to restrict your caloric intake to avoid packing on the pounds.  So if I am eating like a mad woman, I’m in between dieting.  If I’m in discipline-mode I’m trying to accept that I’m not just temporarily doing this, rather making a permanent lifestyle change.  But that’s hard.  Watching what I eat, monitoring portions and limiting calories forever?  Yes, Tara.  That is the way it has to be if you want to fit in many of the clothes you’re still barely getting over your hips.  And I know it’s not always about the size or the weight or the numbers period.  But I cannot help to compare the post-baby me to the 20-something me or the bride-to-be.  Those darn pictures pop up everywhere reminding you that your collarbone used to be more prominent and your hips looked much more narrow.  It’s so sad that I some times, no a lot of times, do that to myself.  But I can pour my soul out knowing that many of you have been there–are there.  I got short with Sissy this morning after she, Daddy, Thomas and I ran around only to come home hours later with Mommy still on an empty stomach.  A run through BK’s drive-thru resulted in apple fries and chicken strips for the kids and humongous burgers for Daddy.  Mommy ordered nothing because I didn’t want one sandwich to blow 3/4 of my daily allotment.   I later barked at him, while heating up a 90-calorie can of soup, that it is so tough to be on a diet when everyone around you can eat whatever they want.  I added that I know it’s not his fault.  It’s sickening, though, that he’s so much older than me and has the metabolism of someone 10 years younger.  Men!

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 21