The night before my wedding, August 2005

It’s a good thing Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone.  Otherwise, I would be lacking in the friend department.  Living in four states before I turned 30 means my peeps are spread out cross-country.  Sure most of us have long-distance acquaintances we touch base with through email or Christmas cards, but my BEST girlfriends all live so far away none of them has seen both my children in person!  Let’s see, in the past week, I talked to Tanisha in New Jersey, Gina in North Carolina, Kylie in Washington, Stefanee in Georgia and Tami in California.  All of them are a couple cell phone keys away.  Isn’t that the cool thing about technology?  Your friends aren’t limited to the lady next door and the guy who sits by you at work.  Sadly in my business, most of my close co-workers have moved on to other jobs or I moved.  We always talk about getting together in the near future… then life gets in the way and it never happens.  Some day I hope our children can meet.  Perhaps when they’ve gone off to college we can get together to party!  Until then, I will continue to rely on rollover minutes and Facebook updates to keep my girls close at heart.  There is a silver lining to all this for Dave.  I never have a Girls’ Night Out.  Then again, he can never get away from me.

Nick from Waterloo

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 9

There used to be a popular primetime show called “thirtysomething”.  That seemed so old.  Okay, I just did a search and discovered it debuted in 1987.  Of course I thought it sounded old, I was 14!  So if you do the math that means I’ve reached 30-something at this point in my life.  But here is the part that sounds crazy to me… in a few days I will be over the halfway-to-40 mark when I turn 36.  I am not upset with my age.  I am just frustrated that the years 29 to 35 were so action-packed they flew.  Let’s see, at 30 I left my longtime boyfriend and job behind to move halfway across the country… at 31, he surprised me with an engagement ring and willingness to move to Iowa, too… at 32, we were married… at 33, I had Charlotte… at 34, I was pregnant with Thomas… at 35, I had him.  No way can I top all that in the second of half of this decade of my life.  I just need some time, anyway, to process it all.  From single to married with two kids in a few short years means looking in the mirror at a whole new you.  I’m that mommy chick I used to see driving around in a mini-van wondering what her life was like.  Or did I really think about it?  I was probably too busy focusing on what I was wearing to go out Saturday night or when I would get my next workout in.  Now the thought of clubbing, at a bar or the local gym, never enters my mind.  I just want from now to 40 to be a focus on the family.  Work will always be there, in some form.  And there’s always tomorrow to exercise.  But Baby Thomas and Sissy won’t be this little for much longer.  I so get that.  Savor the slobbers and toddler meltdowns, savor them.

Jocelyn from West Union

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 9

The problem with parenting is that some times you are simply too busy doing it to recall what you enjoy about it or why you’re so much better off with children.  I was so sleep-deprived and inexperienced when I had Charlotte that by the time I got the situation under control she had turned into a toddler on me.  The second baby would have been much easier to handle but I had his sister, only 24-months older, to contend with.  And I thought time flew during her infant days.  I swear with two the sun rises and sets twice as fast.  It’s sad, truly.  I try to picture myself nursing Thomas and holding him when he was days-old.  Some times I struggle to revisit that feeling.  It’s only been 9 months!  No wonder so many people end up having big families.  They can’t retain or recall much at all from those early baby days and their absentmindedness only increases with each new child they conceive.  It’s God’s twisted way of guaranteeing the Earth stays populated.  If He gave us the ability to clearly remember all the trying moments from pre and post-delivery, we would never be crazy enough to give it another shot.  For those of us who do step up to the plate a second, third, or dare I say, fourth time… God be with us.  Help us to cherish these moments through rose-colored glasses!

Willow from Cedar Falls

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 9

Need I remind all the parents out there how much we turn a blind eye to things our children do in comparison to our previous judgement of others’ little ones?  Case in point, Thomas has figured out how to pull himself into a standing position on things like the couch and my leg.  Pre-kids I remember walking past a neighbor’s house to discover a baby boy, probably about Thomas’ age, looking at me through a window by the door.  How sad, I thought, that little guy is all by himself staring out at the world.  Today when Thomas headed toward our door, dragging his legs sideways like he does, it occurred to me that it would be wonderful if something outside would catch his eye and he would stay put and watch it for, I don’t know, at least twenty minutes or so.  He settled for gnawing on his container of balled-up socks that I brought down from his bedroom.  I also let him drag plastic containers out of a kitchen cabinet, chew on spoons and splash so hard in the tub the bathroom walls and pictures get wet.  All of these activities make my husband nervous and agitated.  Fortunately for all involved, they only happen when Daddy’s away… most of the time.  Last week I passed two older ladies coming out of a department store I was entering with my two kids.  I overheard one of them say to the other something about people letting their children do whatever they want.  Thankfully you guys are leaving before I do something to confirm that sentiment, I thought to myself with a smirk on my face.  I know.  These kids make us do bad things with little remorse.

Halle, Owen, Taya and Lily from Cascade

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 9

Hayden from Waverly

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 9

Driving to work yesterday it occurred to me I should call a long-distance friend.  We have stayed in touch after working together years ago.  Like me, she has two little ones under three.  Like me, she dated her now husband years before getting married and waited until she was in her 30′s to have children.  Unlike me, she and her husband are currently separated.  Had I been in heavy traffic, I likely would have wrecked the car when she broke down and told me what happened.  Her husband, a man I always thought was perfect for her, is having an affair.  It has come out in couples counseling that he feels like the new baby boy replaced him.  All of her love and attention is lavished on their son and not him.  She, in addition to expressing her outrage, said sex wasn’t the first thing on her mind when she felt like a milking cow.  Of all the couples I am acquainted with, they would be at or near the top of the list for those I thought were affair-proof.  I am still in shock and sick to my stomach over the whole thing.  She wants to stay with him but he’s not sure what he wants.  I just can’t stop thinking about her working full-time, raising two little ones and now dealing with a crisis that could end her marriage.  I don’t know what the answer is.  Should new moms walk around in lingerie and stripper heels just to keep Daddy happy?  Of course that sounds ridiculous but another friend of mine pointed out upon hearing this story that society has made being unfaithful and getting divorced seem so commonplace it encourages people to do it.  I don’t disagree.  Thanks to airbrushing and boob jobs, images of females have become so distorted on TV, magazines and the internet that no one knows what “real” naked women look like anymore-especially ones who had kids!  In the case of my friend, she is dropdead gorgeous.  The type who is always petite and fit, even while pregnant, whose body bounces back to tiny immediately after delivery.  But it doesn’t matter what you look like when the bottom drops out from under you.  As pretty as she is on the outside, inside she is scared, humiliated and angry.  If she weren’t thousands of miles away, I would be giving her a hug right now.

Jaxon and Macyn from Waterloo

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 9

At a recent church service, a man testified that we are only “a heartbeat away from eternity”.  How true, I thought.  I recognize this reality on a nearly daily basis when I scan the obituaries.  It’s a habit one of my co-workers deemed morbid.  But I find it often helps me put things in perspective.  I may be letting some trivial thing weigh on my mind… meanwhile people of all ages and backgrounds are gone.  Their souls have left their bodies.  What were they worrying about before their deaths?  Hopefully not about the unfolded pile of laundry or the fact that the vacuum has been sitting upstairs for three days on a carpet that needs it.  No, I hope their last days were filled with the love and support of family and friends.  I hope they were not alone when they passed.  Seeing their faces and reading their names and ages actually helps me live, in a way.  My life, your life, all of our lives NO MATTER how we lived them will be relegated to a few paragraphs in a local paper.  So I need to push the mind clutter aside, I tell myself, and just enjoy these full days of being a wife and a mother.  I already know time flies.  I already know I don’t always take the time to stop and smell the roses.  But I do recognize the loss of so many people who meant so much to so many on a daily basis and it encourages me to embrace the living while we’re all still here!

Tyler and Brody from Cedar Falls

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 9

Up until Dave pointed out otherwise, I liked to think some sort of bedtime routine had been established with Charlotte.  Analyzing how things go down from the outside looking in, though, I would have to agree some flaws exist.  Let’s see, around 7:30pm Charlotte and I go up to her bedroom.  Then, for the next hour, the following scenario plays out:  Charlotte wants me to get her covers situated.  But where’s the cuddle blanket?  Okay, I get one out and put her sheet on, the blanket and comforter.  Now she’s hot.  I read her 3-4 books and we say our prayers.  She says “A-end” instead of Amen.  Then, this is where it gets a little crazy, she asks me to turn on my laptop and show her two Wiggles videos, one Bob the Builder and assorted laughing baby clips on YouTube.  I usually oblige then insist she lie down and go to sleep.  “Check your email, Mommy,” she tells me.  In other words, stay in here and stay on the computer so I can control you and be distracted from falling alseep-which is the goal of this whole ordeal.  The bright spot, other than my computer screen, is that she no longer needs two dolls, a stuffed dog and four additional blankets and pillows in bed with her.  She has settled on a flower pillow, heart pillow and travel pillow as comfort enough.  I have a sore back from all the floor time and my right wrist is weak.  I maintain it’s from hauling the carseat carrier around with a nearly 25-pound baby boy.  Dave blames Facebook.    

Ethan and Makenna from West Union

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 9

Thomas loves the water!  Be it a bathtub, sink, pool or puddle; anything that holds water is a place he wants to be.  Just carrying him near the bathroom door elicits kicks of excitement.  He practically helps me take off his sleeper so he can get in the tub ASAP.  Pour water over his head, he laughs about it.  Get in the tub with him and he starts floating on his back or belly-flopping to touch the stream from the faucet.  I am thrilled both my children enjoy getting wet-it makes for an easier time keeping them clean!  At some point I know it will no longer be appropriate for him to take a bath with his sister or Mommy, but in the meantime I so enjoy bath time with the kids both in and out of the tub myself.  I must admit the water fills up rather quickly when Mommy climbs in.  Let’s just say with two kids, a lot of toys and Big Momma in the tub… we’re cutting down on water use.  And would you believe I have asked Daddy to join us?  You should have seen the look on his face.

Mason from Marion

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 9

A recent Parenting magazine article with this title had some pretty interesting results.  31% of mothers surveyed said they get “little or no help” with childcare and 46% said they ”get irate with their husbands once a week or more.”  I’m not surprised at these findings, in part, because I think a lot of moms set unrealistic expectations for the fathers of their children-so they’re guaranteed to fail.  Take, for example, my man.  Dave is outwardly organized but his drawers and truck glove compartment can get pretty jumbled.  Naturally, I haven taken charge of keeping the kids’ closets and drawers in order.  Daddy tends to mess them up getting their clothes out from time to time but he’s working on it.  In the reverse, I have screwed up the laundry more than once so that’s Daddy’s department.  I do most of the folding, though.  So for us it’s not about getting mad that our spouse doesn’t do his or her fair share, more like stepping up and handling the things we can do well.  One of my mom’s friends offered some good advice at my bridal shower.  She said don’t let your husband think you can do it all, especially better than he can.  Because guess what?  You’ll end up doing it.  I don’t have to fake it.  I do not excel at caring for the lawn, cleaning, cooking or sewing.  Dave doesn’t get shouldered with all the house work as a result, but he probably pulls more than half of the weight.  And what’s wrong with that?  As one New Jersey housewife put it, “Happy wife, happy life.”  Ha, ha!

Braydon from Dubuque

Posted under Baby Thomas: Month 9