Today has been another rough one (see previous entry) and I cannot stop thinking about Mr. Disappearing Act. How does one justify completely vanishing without a rhyme or reason? I can handle people who don’t want me to be in their lives but to completely not return calls or texts is just cruel and unusual punishment. I even went as far as to imagine the worst possible situations! I read the online version of the newspaper in his hometown scouring the headlines for mention of him. My mind is playing crazy tricks on me. Car accident? Awful tragedy? Lots of worry and lots of stress but alas I think he is fine. Just perfectly okay with ignoring me.
I am pretty sure the work day passed without me even in it. I went through the motions, put on a smile and read the news as best as I could. The hardest part about it is that I am normally a very happy, upbeat person. I love to laugh and joke around and when I am in a funk everything just becomes messy. These are times where you really realize who your true friends are. It’s like they have a sixth sense and will text you just when you are a really feeling downright crappy. My phone has been abuzz all day with friends offering words of wisdom and support. It really makes you wonder if you are doing enough for your friends when you are in a happy, normal state. I know I am probably guilty of relying on them too much when I am upset and not enough to just remind them they matter in my life.
If we are wise (which nobody really is when they are IN the funk) than we can see it for what it is. A time to learn about ourselves and really grow and transform. As my friend Shenah says (whom I like to call Guru because she really is!) “You have to process the emotions and then flush them down the toilet”
In fact she is a big believer in forgiveness. You have to forgive even those who hurt you..even really, really bad in order to move on. If we can learn this lesson then we can really heal our soul.
As I am contemplating this I think I will go and check my phone for the 8,435 time today.
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This post was written by nchughtai on April 30, 2012