Why Not?

March 26, 2014 10 Comments

I was staring at boxes of eye drops in the pharmacy when a woman pushing her baby in a cart said [LOUDLY], “SO, WHY’D YOU DO IT?”

I must have given her a confused look.

Because in my head I thought, “#$%*#! My ‘disguise’ isn’t working!”

Clearly my incognito look of no make-up, frazzled hair and sweatpants on my day off wasn’t working.

[Lets face it, there are days I want to go to the store unnoticed and get home. This was one of 'em.]

“WHY’D YOU ADOPT?” she asked again, almost yelling.

My dry eyes met hers in the middle of that aisle.

“Why not?” I asked her with a smile, as I grabbed a box of eye drops and walked away.

Those of you who have followed this blog for awhile know I sometimes grapple with how to handle these types of situations.

Sometimes I’m a bit thrown off guard.

I love that people feel comfortable asking me questions about adoption.

And I love talking about it!

But sometimes, like the other day in the pharmacy, I just want to be the tired Momma running a quick errand.

And sometimes, like the other day in the pharmacy, I feel like I have no privacy.

Sure, it comes with the territory of being in the public eye.

But I didn’t even know this lady’s name.

And I can’t imagine how Olivia would feel if she was older and could understand this lady’s demand.

So I was proud of myself for responding how I did.

Which brings me to my point…[Yes. Believe it or not, I do have a point here...]

I think it’s important for everyone to ask themselves the same question I posed for the woman in the pharmacy:

Why not adopt?

-Finances?

-Don’t know where to start?

-Don’t know anyone who has adopted?

-Scared you’ll get a “messed up” kid?

-Too much risk involved with someone else carrying your baby?

There are so many reasons people don’t consider adoption.

So many.

And it’s sad.

But let’s face it — the unknown is scary.

Yes, adoption itself is even scarier than someone recognizing you incognito at the pharmacy ;-)

[Seriously, do I look that disheveled on TV?]

When it boils down to it, though, I truly believe we ALL have an obligation to have an open heart when it comes to adoption.

Do I believe adoption is right for everyone?

No.

But I do believe everyone should ask themselves what they can do to support and love adoptive families, birth parents and especially our precious adopted children.

And perhaps most importantly, I believe every single child — no matter how young or how old — deserves a loving, forever family.

No questions about it.

-Shelley

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  1. Skip Loebig says:

    Thank you for adopting! I am one of 9 adopted children in my family. I feel fortunate to be adopted and feel I’ve achieved more than I might have if I were not. Your daughter was lucky because not only did you decide to have a child, but you went to great lengths and financial expense to get her. She was truly chosen.

  2. Sara Duhrkopf says:

    Beautifully written blog entry!! A-ONE!

  3. Valerie says:

    Exactly! Why not? In fact, as a Christian, isn’t it our obligation to take care of orphans (and widows) and if we don’t do it, who will? And if we believe it is our obligation, it is also one of the most REWARDING of challenges. Sure, it’s not for everyone. But EVERYONE can help and take part in providing for orphans by helping those who want to adopt financially or emotionally. Simply just being supportive would be a good start. :)

  4. NE Iowa Mom says:

    I agree that people have the right to ask questions but could do so in a more appropriate way. Unfortunately, Shelley, I’m afraid people feel
    like they can spit out anything at you because you come into their homes each and every day.

  5. Terri says:

    Shelley, You are beautiful, your baby is beautiful, your husband is beautiful. You do a wonderful job on KWWL. PERIOD!!!!!
    I feel so bad for you that you have to endure all of this negative when you are just trying to do as any other family is out there. Make a living. Raise your daughter. Be a good wife and take care of your home.
    God Bless you.

  6. I love this, Shelley. Thank you for sharing and challenging more people to consider, “Why not?” Since I was a teenager I have hoped to someday adopt a child, and now that my husband and I are preparing to start a family of our own we are keeping adoption as an option – not because we are having problems conceiving or any other reason than we love children and believe Christians should lead the way in caring for orphans. Your blog and openness about adopting has really been encouraging, keep it up! :)

    Hannah

  7. Jena says:

    Shelly, you already know how I feel about you adopting your beautiful daughter so I won’t even comment on that. As far as this woman approaching you, some people evidently grew up disadvantaged in that they don’t learn the basic lessons of politeness as children. What I will comment on is you going out in public “frazzled & in sweatpants”. Do it now! Who cares about what the viewers think about you especially in your off time. But when sweet Olivia gets to be that beautiful, eye rolling, grumpy preteen, well you just won’t be able to go out like that then…you will embarass her to death!!! The good news is that when she is grown with children of her own, you get to inflict that embarassment on your grandchildren!! Enjoy each day.

  8. Stanny says:

    Why not adopt? Because you’re buying humans. Paying for a network if folks to traffic humans for profit and often coerce th away from bio and extended families that love them.

    Because a horrific number of supposedly divinely inspired adopters get the kid home and are SHOCKED that the kid GASP has institutional or trauma-based behaviors and kicks ‘em to the curb. Really. Reuters Child Exchange just did a devastating series about it! Kids, already abandoned once are further traumatized by a second abandonment — that their ex-families claim Jesus would be cool with. So much so that they brag about disrupting in national magazines, like Stacy Conor did in this months Good Hoysekeeping!

  9. Chelsea says:

    Stanny!
    Really are you kidding me right now. You should be and hopefully are ashamed of yourself. I don’t understand why people think they can say whatever they want to these ladies. How rude.

    Shelley
    Congrats your family is perfect. Thank you for being you!

  10. Katie (Kay) T says:

    Stanny-STFU. Wow.

    Love your blog Shelly!

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