Infertility: In Her Words

April 23, 2014 1 Comment
“From the outside looking in you can never understand it. From the inside looking out you can never explain it...”

“From the outside looking in you can never understand it. From the inside looking out you can never explain it…”

Meet Steve and Abby.

They’ve treaded some mucky waters with infertility.

I had the pleasure of meeting them both at Monday night’s Cedar Valley Infertility Peer-Led Support Group.

Abby courageously shared their story, and gave me permission to re-post it on my blog:

“I found out a person in my life who I care for very much was pregnant.

She did not just finish 10 rounds of Clomid and 3 intrauterine inseminations.

She did not just have an embarrassing and expensive procedure to flush out her tubes like I had.

She did not ride the emotional roller coast I had been on for two years.

She was simply pregnant.

And I wasn’t.

This was earlier in our journey – about a year and a half ago – and we’ve experienced so much more since then…

Both with treatments and managing the emotional aspects of infertility.

But my pregnant friend was the first true infertility crisis for me.

It was a crisis for Steve and me together.

We didn’t understand the way the other was grieving.

He thought I was irrational for bursting into tears at every turn…

And I thought he didn’t want a baby as bad as I did because he simply wouldn’t talk about it.

Neither were true.

But we needed some guidance to realize that.

We found that and more in this group.

I found a quote on Resolve’s website that says,

“From the outside looking in you can never understand it.

From the inside looking out you can never explain it…”

I think that’s mostly true.

Except I think people from the inside looking out — people who are have experienced infertility — are able to explain it to each other.

The very best thing a support group can provide is an environment of people who get it…

People who get that your feelings are confusing…

People who know what it is like to be happy for your loved ones when they are expecting, but sadder for yourself.

People who know what it’s like to go into debt to build your family…

ride the adoption roller coaster…

shoot up full of hormones until you’re a swollen pin cushion…

and still manage to slap a smile on your face as you confront the world every day.

Infertility is a profound experience.

There are people in our lives that can provide comfort and kind words.

And for them – be eternally grateful.

But infertility can be hard to wrap your head around when you haven’t experienced it.  

We get it.”  

Thank you, Steve and Abby, for courageously sharing your journey.

I’m hopeful that at least one person who reads this today will feel a little less alone.


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  1. Andrea D says:

    Thank you, Shelley for being such a supporter of our group & efforts. For being a part of Monday night and be champion of the infertility community. There are people out there who don’t have voices yet…because they aren’t ready, or because they are in a place where they are just in too much pain. Thank you for helping to share the voices of these people and others. Thank you for sharing Abby & Steve’s story. They are two of the greatest people that walk this planet. They have had a tough journey. Their story inspires. They inspire. They are brave, strong people. And their story matters.

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