I must admit my jaw dropped when KWWL Meteorologist Mark Schnackenberg told me the 8-month-old baby he “baby sat” for  the segment “Iowa’s Toughest Jobs: stay-at-home parent,” sleeps each night from 7 p.m. to 6:30 a.m.

“That’s not normal,” I said in shock.  And I guess the full truth is that’s not normal – at my home.   At least not yet.

Even at just a few months old, my daughter appears to be more like me than I’d like in some ways: always wanting to be in the know, not wanting to miss the party, sensitive to noise and light while sleeping.

These characteristics, plus the fact that she is an infant, have resulted in countless sleepless nights for mom and dad.

Swaddling, pacifiers, routines have all been tried.  They help, but so far there is no magic cure-all.

I remember someone I used to work with talking about how he believed that babies generally model their mothers’ temperament.  He said that both his children slept through the night easily from just a few weeks of age - and he largely credited that to his wife’s calm temperament. 

Hmmmm. 

I believe – and maybe I’m just trying to make myself feel better – that you can’t make sweeping generalizations about all children’s sleeping behavior after observing just two.

A family friend recently told me her son (who grew up to be a Harvard grad, so his sporadic sleep during his first year doesn’t appear to have hurt him too much!) nursed several times through out the night for the better part of his first year.

“I think he is such a sensitive person in general, he was looking for comfort in coping with adjusting to his new world, than food itself,” she said.

I really believe each child is different.  I just hope mine allows me to get more than 5 hours of interrupted sleep soon! (It would be different if I didn’t wake up at 3 a.m.)

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Growing up, like many of you I’m sure, I had dozens, no, hundreds of rosy ideas about how I would raise my family, what my house would look like, what I would look like, etc. etc.

First of all, everything would be fun but peaceful.  My children would go to sleep when they were supposed to, leaving me to unwind at the end of the day and still get enough sleep.  I would drop my baby weight immediately and fit into my skinny jeans within weeks of giving birth.  I would have some type of house cleaning system that functioned like a well-oiled machine so my house would always look like the cover of a magazine… you get the idea.

I have a confession to make.  Let’s just say not everything has gone as I’d planned.

I’m currently averaging 4 1/2 to 5 hours of interrupted sleep a night, my daughter, whom I love more than life, usually still won’t sleep for more than a few hours at a time (once in a while she’ll sleep longer and it feels like a fairy tale coming true), she had a cold the other night and my poor husband sat up with her so I could go to work, and he got about 2 hours of sleep.

In the beginning I was determined to solely breastfeed, but for various reasons - perhaps stress, losing my mother, etc. - I had a low milk supply and was forced to supplement with formula from about week 3 forward.  I still breastfed, but a few weeks ago my daughter decided she didn’t want to nurse anymore, so now I just pump, which many of you know is time-consuming.

I also wanted to give cloth diapering a 100% effort – well, that too has not gone to plan.  I think it’s a great idea and I know several friends who swear by them, but my husband and I simply haven’t woken up from the delirium of first-parenthood sufficiently to give it a complete commitment.  We do have some cloth diapers – don’t get me wrong – but nearly every time we’re about to run out of diapers, we run to the store.

Slowly my ideals have taken a nose dive - perhaps not a ”nose dive,” more like a gradual descent. 

There are some things on which I absolutely will not compromise: like car seat safety, bath time safety (never even turning your back on a child in the tub) , etc.

But the more I live the more I realize what parenthood really is: it’s keeping the ball rolling in whatever “game” you find yourself playing.  It’s not giving in to discouragement.  It’s reading the research and the facts, and ultimately trusting your gut when it comes to you and your child. 

I think my friend Shar (we were “Sunny and Shar,” isn’t that funny?), a mother of 4 girls, said it best in her facebook posting last week, “I’ve decided to have gratitude rather than expectations.”  – This is the secret of life, I believe.

Along the same lines, I found a bitter sweet wall-hanging in my mother’s bedroom reading, “Sometimes on the way to your dream you get lost and find a better one.”  Makes me cry.

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“Breast is best,” we’ve all heard the saying.

Studies come out nearly every week touting huge benefits of breast milk for babies, from immunity to bonding, to breast cancer prevention in the mother.

But as valuable as breastfeeding is, it doesn’t come as naturally as some had hoped.  The challenges can range from babies struggling to latch, to down right pain for the mother, to low milk supply.

Some women are finding a way to skip over the hardships while still providing the so-called “nature’s gold.”

They’re doing it by exclusively pumping.  It can take double the dedication, actually, because first the mother must invest time to pump, then bottle-feed her baby.  But some moms are saying it’s worth it.

Check out a story I just did, showing one mom who has pledged to give her baby breast milk, even if “nursing” didn’t work out.

What do you think about breast feeding? Would you put in double the time to pump and then feed if you had to?

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It just so happens that my birthday is close to Mother’s Day. My poor husband.

This past Mother’s Day my husband sweetly brought me breakfast in bed, and got me a Dove chocolate bar and a nice gift, as well as a heartfelt letter – wow, did he go all out!

I guess he felt like he wanted to go the extra mile for my “inaugural” Mother’s Day.

On the other hand, my friend Erica in California got quite a surprise for Mother’s Day, her son was born! Check out the adorable little man.

Then on my birthday two days later, I turned around at my desk at work and voila! There was my husband Jason with balloons and flowers along with our daughter. It was the perfect gift, – especially the latter part.

Just a glance at that angelic face, those perfectly rounded cheeks, that gummy smile and my stress level immediately declined. A smile formed on my face before I even realized it.

I got to thinking about all the gifts we could receive on Mother’s Day or our birthdays, and I decided children are the greatest gift.

But the special gifts hadn’t all been “delivered” yet, on my birthday right when I was about to go to sleep, I found out my sister-in-law in Arizona gave birth to a healthy baby girl – yet another perfect gift!

I told her I expect her to name the baby after me.

By the way, after I got home from work on my birthday, I was 100% suprised to find my husband had thrown me a surprise party! The visit to work was just a decoy.

(Maybe he’s trying to make up for the first birthday of mine when we got married where the first words out of his mouth were, “Hey! Can you make me some breakfast?” He doesn’t normally say that, but on my first married birthday he did.)

Still, out of all the gifts I received, when I think of that little sweet face, it is by far my greatest gift ever. The rest, though wonderful, is icing on the cake.

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With Mother’s Day just behind us, I got to thinking about the importance of mothers in all aspects of life, and all different types of mothers. I don’t know about you, but I have several mothers.

I believe every woman is a mother, whether she has physically borne children or not.

I just spoke with a friend who overheard my husband wish two young single women “Happy future Mother’s Day” yesterday.  She told me that she married a man who had children from a previous marriage, and she felt inadequate for a time and distanced from the institution of motherhood.

She told me, “If someone had wished me a happy future Mothers Day, I would’ve felt so much more hope and more included.”

I think it’s a shame that any woman would feel left out on Mother’s Day (or any day for that matter), because, as I said, every woman is a mother in some capacity.

One woman I admire very much who has no children of her own, yet feels strongly that all women mother, is publishing executive and ecclesiastical leader Sheri L. Dew.

In November 2001 she said, “Few of us will reach our potential without the nurturing of both the mother who bore us and the mothers who bear with us. I was thrilled recently to see one of my youth leaders for the first time in years. As a teenager who had absolutely no self-confidence, I always sidled up to this woman because she would put her arm around me and say, “You are just the best girl!” She loved me, so I let her lead me. How many young men and women are desperate for your love and leadership? Do we fully realize that our influence as mothers…  is irreplaceable and eternal?”

Among the many “mothers” in my life are first and foremost my amazing and literal mother Nedra – my “angel mother” as I wrote in my 2nd blog post – she taught me goodness, a love of learning, humor, music, how to respond to difficult social situations, and on and on. I believe her spirit continues to guide me, even though she is no longer here in the body.

Then there is my aunt (my mother’s younger sister), with whom I lived in Hawaii for four years growing up. Those were crucial years for many reasons, and above all, she taught me unconditional love. If I knew anything in this world, I knew my aunt loved me.

Then there is my Sunday School teacher who taught me spiritual truths and gave me rides to church on dark snowy Minnesota mornings (I attended Monday-Friday early morning seminary classes during high school). Her mini van was a safe island in the icy storm, and I knew she loved me, too.

I could go on and on, I am sure you, too, have different “mothers.” Who are they? Hopefully we’ll all make time to thank them before next Mother’s Day.

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Having a baby is the biggest transition you can go through in life. It is joyful, and it can also bring an otherwise unheard of amount of stress and demands.

“I felt a sense of panic and almost a sense of doom right away,” mom Adriane Carlson said. “And the thought kept coming back ‘what have I done? what have I done?’”

About 80 percent of new moms experience the “Baby blues,” but many people forget that post partum depression is common as well.

I recently did a story on post partum depression, to see it, click here and then click on the black camera icon above my picture and learned that doctors say it’s common to feel highly emotional, even weepy for the first two weeks, but if the condition continues, you should seek help.

Post partum can strike any mom. I mean any mom. I know this because I interviewed Adriane Carlson recently, who suffered from the depression after her third child’s birth. Her first two deliveries went fine, she felt great. But she said after her third she knew something was wrong.

She was truly shocked at this, because guess what? She works as assistant director at Family and Children’s Council of Black Hawk County, helping other moms identify their symptoms of depression.

She went to a doctor who prescribed an anti-depressant. She decided to talk out her feelings first, and see if that would help, before taking the meds – she was breast feeding and wanted to avoid passing on the medication.

Luckily for her, just recognizing and labeling the condition helped, but she says it was crucial that she got help and talked about her condition.

Women need to have realistic expectations of themselves after birth. Not only did they just go through 9 months of intense physical work during pregnancy, but they labored through labor, and are now encountering sleepless nights, returning to work in many cases, and trying to figure out how to “do life” with a baby.

It doesn’t help that we see images of Hollywood types bouncing back into bikinis weeks after giving birth. These women usually have a lot of outside help, not to mention the help of an airbrush.

In fact, in the case of new mom Kourtney Kardashian, she says OK Magazine airbrushed her without her permission! Click here to see the real vs. “enhanced” images.

 We as women need to give ourselves more respect for the literal miracle we just helped create, instead of having sky-high and often ridiculous expectations of ourselves, expectations that can help contribute to serious issues, such as post partum depression.

If you feel like you can’t shake the so-called “Baby blues,” please talk to your doctor, there is hope and you deserve to feel better! And if you feel good, but you think a friend could use some help, make a call or pay her a visit today.

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1950s blues singer Ernie K. Doe sang the famous lyrics, “Mother-in-law, the worst person I know, she worries me so. If she’d leave us alone we’d have a happy home. Sent from down below, mother-in-law.”
For decades people have made jokes made about mothers-in-law, and there will likely be jokes for decades to come. But I believe most of them simply don’t deserve the bad rap.

I am grateful to say I lucked out in this arena.
Over the years I’ve observed mothers traveling to their daughters’ side during birth and the ensuing days. I always thought that was so “nice.” But now I know it is a true necessity!
My mother-in-law came a few days before my due date, and ended up staying three weeks. I don’t know what I would’ve done without her. Of course, I would’ve loved to have my own mother with me as well, but as I have written previously, I had to settle for having her in spirit. She passed away in September of last year after a fast and intense bout with leukemia. She was my best friend.

Luckily, my mother-in-law stepped in when I truly needed a mom. From being moral support along with my husband and sister during a difficult 26-hour labor, to assisting me on the way home from the hospital, she was the friend I needed. My husband was wonderful also, but it helped to have someone who’d been through all this before. In fact, my mother-in-law Debra has been through it seven times before! My husband is the oldest of seven, and I, coincidentally, am the youngest of seven.
Just learning the ropes with one child, I cannot fathom how our mothers did it! I bow to them.

The long labor and delivery were almost worth hearing Debra say, “We need to make sure Sunny you eat and you rest.” Ha ha! I almost felt guilty for getting such luxurious treatment, but then I felt the sting of my stitches and that put an end to that.

New moms definitely need to be mothered. The meals, the late-night baby holding, the insisting that you take a long hot bath help you feel somewhat human during the sleep-deprived days after birth.

Then of course, one look in your baby’s face and all the pain and sleeplessness are worth it.

But it certainly helps to have a mother of sorts. In my case, I’ve upgraded her to “fairy godmother-in-law” status.

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My Mother Nedra with her 7 children

“All that I am, all that I hope to be I owe to my angel mother.”

I believe Abraham Lincoln wrote this famous quote with two meanings in mind. Was his mother angelic in the way she taught him? I am sure of it. But since he only had nine years with his mother on this earth, I imagine she was his literal angel as well.

Motherhood is a journey that once started, never ends. I feel I have had personal experience with this reality – of course I just became a mother myself, but I believe I had a glimpse of the transcendent power of a mother’s love.

Many mothers want to be with their daughters at the birth of their children. I know my mom did, and I believe she was. But she could only be with me in spirit.

She passed away September 4th of last year, after the most courageous and gracious battle with leukemia. She was my best friend.

She left just before my sister, my niece, and I all gave birth to beautiful and spirited little girls. We believe she was a Granny-nanny in heaven so to speak, tutoring these little ones with her brilliant mind, and filling them to overflow with love.

I felt her presence the day after my daughter was born. The hospital room was still and dark. I had just woken from a much needed nap. The feeling was quiet, sweet, and reassuring. She was my living angel on earth, and I know she continues to be my angel mother.

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“What’s old is new again.” In so many ways this is true, from the comeback of wooden toys and puzzles, to cloth diapers. Most people were so happy to kiss those old white cloth diapers good-bye in the early eighties, but since then some “dirty” truths about disposable diapers emerged.

1) The co$t

Some cloth diaper companies claim that over a 2 1/2 year period (or about 7,500 diaper changes) parents will spend anywhere between $2,000 and $2,700 on disposable diapers. But with cloth diapers, they will spend between $500 and $700, plus one load of laundry every two to three days. You can also use the diapers for other children in the future.

2) The environmental cost

We all know how quickly babies go through diapers. Some research shows the disposable diapers from just one baby produce more than two tons of non-biodegradable waste. The diapers which held your baby for an hour or two at a time will take much longer than that – 500 years longer – to decompose!

3) Skin sensitivity

The Journal of Pediatrics reports 54% of one-month-old babies who used disposable diapers had rashes, and 16% had severe rashes. This is not to say all babies will develop rashes or allergies, but disposable diapers do contain many chemicals.
Some of these chemicals include: the absorbent gel sodium polyacrylate, and dioxin, which follows as a by-product of bleaching paper.

Ultimately, it is a personal choice. Some parents simply don’t want to wash diapers. Some babies respond just fine to disposables.

And some people believe the hot water used to wash the cloth diapers repeatedly requires extra coal to be used at electric generating plants in order to power water heaters. They also don’t feel comfortable with more soap released into the water system.

Either way, it’s not a bad idea to look into the new generation of cloth diapers. They may just save your “bottom dollar.”

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